Today after church, I thought it was the perfect chance to take my bike off the trainer and test out the shoes and clips I've been practicing with.
I was in the alley, behind my house ... not even in motion really, and yep ...
I fell.
Lucky to have not busted my arm or wrist, catching myself, but I did get a rockin' slab o' road rash on my right knee.
Free ... free fallin' ...
My neighbor saw me ... "Ummm, did you just fall???"
Sweet.
I gathered myself and headed off, to stop by Chum's house, she lives a block away or so ... and by the time I got there, I heard "ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss" coming from my front tire. Really?!? Again, I was close enough I could walk back home. Ridiculous.
I went to Safeway to try and make some attempt at dinner, even baked an Angel food cake (in the wrong pan, by the way and it nearly exploded!) ... while I was home and cooking, I did manage to dump our entire container of rice on my kitchen floor too. I just stood there and looked at it ... Did I clean it up immediately? Nope, I thought I'd walk through it and spread it around a bit ... what a freaking disaster.
The only one who ate dinner was Caloy, and I don't know how to take that because he might eat poo if it was with rice ... my kids are really hard to cook for and I honestly think Matthew has some weird food aversion disorder ... his gag reflex is insane, won't eat or try anything ... could be an oral/motor issue ... something's up there though ... Do I have the energy to pursue it? Ummm, nope.
This week I've just felt like Jabba the freaking Hut. Just gross and bloated and fat. Isn't that a great description of yourself?!? Nice Jessica. Jessica the Hut. Blech. C'mon already period, get flowing and with that let's start the attitude adjustment.
I'm tired.
Back on track in the morning.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
73 Things ..
1. I think I am really funny, I love making people laugh.
2. I love avocados, peaches, mangoes and hummus, not together ...
3. I knew I would have a child with special needs, God prepared my heart before I was even married.
4. Sometimes I see something on my floor and will just lick my thumb and scrub it off.
5. I think I am a good athlete, there is a rock star bod under all this flab created by having children.
6. I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never marry anyone that had a problem with addiction, as it has ravaged through my family, the cycle stops here, and I knew that when I was young.
7. I love musicals and want to be on the stage at some point in my life ... again.
8. I fully admit I am overwhelmed by my life.
9. I am saddened by people that feel they have to earn Grace.
10. I love interpreting worship at church.
11. I am eclectic.
12. I love sunflowers, tuberose and lilac ... I think lilac is what Heaven will smell like.
13. When I was growing up, I didn't yearn to be a Mommy, I don't remember giving much thought to it at all, and probably would have waited some time after getting married if I didn't get pregnant on our honeymoon.
14. Having a Deaf husband is much more difficult than people realize. I think people see it as a novelty, but my day to day life is impacted greatly by marrying a man that can not hear anything.
15. I love triathlons and am ridiculously excited for the season ahead ... I have turned over a new leaf in my journey to better health and am constantly amazed at what my body can do.
16. I miss my Grandma Betty everyday.
17. I used to lie a lot when I was growing up.
18. I like beer.
19. I am a tomboy. I have no desire to dress up or wear make-up ... I have been a sweats and ponytail girl since I can remember. When I do dress up it makes me feel special, and I suppose if I did it everyday then people wouldn't notice.
20. I have always had really good friends, male and female.
21. I don't care much for pasta.
22. I have always hated having big boobs. I was made fun of by lots of people growing up.
23. I don't consider myself an artist. I enjoy painting, it is a peaceful place for me to be involved in a project. When I had the shop though, I would always be so nervous that someone would not like what they had ordered ... never happened, just dumb insecurities I suppose.
24. I love the Dodgers. I love going to baseball games and would love to travel the United States and go to every major ball park.
25. I want plastic surgery. I would have my boobs lifted, just put back to where they belong and my tummy tucked. My stretch marks are outrageous, and although they are from 2 amazing pregnancies, I would love to get rid of the flap that lays over my C-Section scar.
26. I love shabby-chic furniture, I love to refinish it myself. Going to a flea market and looking for fun things to refinish is exciting.
27. My mother is amazing, she has always been my confidant and biggest cheerleader. I still think there is a lot I don't know about her childhood and I would love to know. Hot tea, english muffins with avocado, salt and pepper and an afternoon with my Ma. I love her more than I can even describe.
28. Nancy has changed my life, for the better. I have shed years and years of shame by seeing her. I covet the time I spend with her.
29. My dog annoys me. She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't want to be around me unless I have food, she is stubborn and the hair she sheds makes me want to lose my mind. I love dogs, just not her.
30. I wish I never stopped using my retainers. My teeth have shifted and I don't like it.
31. I love going to The Screaming Peach, being hairless is awesome.
32. I want more tattoos.
33. I love Facebook and am thrilled at the friendships I have been able to rekindle. God's timing is always perfect.
34. Caloy is an amazing husband and I often think I do not do enough as a wife.
35. I am a Daddy's girl. My Daddy knows everything and no one can ever measure up.
36. Everytime I hear Crystal Lewis' song, "Come As You Are" ... I cry. I relive the exact moment that I stood up at the Harvest Crusade and walked onto the field to be saved, no greater moment in all of my life.
37. I want a Jetta.
38. I love my nose ring. I often forget it is there and I just adore it, just a bit of sass.
39. I loved nursing my children, alone in a rocker, even at 2am, such a blessing.
40. I enjoy playing games, I am competitive.
41. Growing up in Seal Beach was surreal when I think back, it was a perfect little town and I am so thankful to have lived there.
42. I have been through a lot in my short 32 years of life, and I completely believe in the phrase, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
43. The Shack is one of the greatest books I have read in my life.
44. I love drinking water.
45. The only time I cried at my wedding was when I danced with my brother. Our DJ timed it perfectly and we danced to a song we used to sing as kids. At a point in the not too recent past I thought he would die and I praise God daily now for his sobriety.
46. I love how my children love my parents. I am so thankful that they live so close and will have the relationship with them that I never had with my own.
47. I love to dance and I think the invention of the ipod is the greatest thing ever. I love music and have great memories of music throughout my life.
48. I once threw up in a movie theater, into the popcorn bag and soda cup, I left it there in the aisle under the chair.
49. I love to eat chips and salsa.
50. I spray on Heaven Sent perfume every morning, just to remember my Grandma Betty.
51. My Book Club group is phenomenal, amazing women, fantastic life stories, and getting together to share in life once a month is such a gift.
52. Although I am a Veg, I'm not grossed out by meat, people can eat what they want ... really, it makes me sad, but to each their own. If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be Vegetarian, such suffering.
53. I remember walking on the beach with my Daddy and him singing "Surfer Girl" to me. I know the sacrifice that was made when they moved here, my Dad misses the ocean horribly.
54. I was not raised in a Christian home, but there are so many times I can see the hand of God in my life. He was always there, waiting ...
55. I love working at the YMCA.
56. I cry once a month, a good cry ... it is a release.
57. I don't want to be a slave to the scale, I just want to look in the mirror and appreciate all I see. I want to love myself more.
58. I think I am funny ... I also think I said that already, but it's worth saying again ... what is better than a good sense of humor?
59. You just never know what is happening in the heart of a person, or in someone's home ... my childhood is the perfect example.
60. I detest the word retard.
61. Hummingbirds are miracles.
62. I love my home. I love that my house is yellow and I have a red door.
63. I still get horribly painful acne, zits suck.
64. I am not good at math. I remember my HS guidance counselor telling me if I didn't pass the HS math equivalency test that I wouldn't graduate. I had wanted to be an architect like my Daddy, but when I found out the math that was required I changed my mind.
65. I like to read magazines. VegNews is my favorite.
66. There are only a handful of people that know every detail of my life.
67. Matthew's freckles are beautiful and I hope Grace will get them too. Growing up I didn't like them and I remember people telling me that they would go away when I was an adult ... ummm, nope, still there.
68. Jumping off Aspen Mountain at 10,800Ft was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
69. Hahaaa, 69. I am immature and I think it's funny ... I remember getting the keys to our house and when it was being built, walking through it and thinking, "I am way too immature to own a home."
70. I wish my family didn't smoke. It is the biggest heart ache I have.
71. My trip to Willow Creek church was a soulful renewal, God met me there in a way I can't explain ... I pray I am able to make it an annual tradition for myself.
72. I do enjoy cooking and should do it more.
73. I picked 73 things instead of 100 because I wanted to ...
2. I love avocados, peaches, mangoes and hummus, not together ...
3. I knew I would have a child with special needs, God prepared my heart before I was even married.
4. Sometimes I see something on my floor and will just lick my thumb and scrub it off.
5. I think I am a good athlete, there is a rock star bod under all this flab created by having children.
6. I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never marry anyone that had a problem with addiction, as it has ravaged through my family, the cycle stops here, and I knew that when I was young.
7. I love musicals and want to be on the stage at some point in my life ... again.
8. I fully admit I am overwhelmed by my life.
9. I am saddened by people that feel they have to earn Grace.
10. I love interpreting worship at church.
11. I am eclectic.
12. I love sunflowers, tuberose and lilac ... I think lilac is what Heaven will smell like.
13. When I was growing up, I didn't yearn to be a Mommy, I don't remember giving much thought to it at all, and probably would have waited some time after getting married if I didn't get pregnant on our honeymoon.
14. Having a Deaf husband is much more difficult than people realize. I think people see it as a novelty, but my day to day life is impacted greatly by marrying a man that can not hear anything.
15. I love triathlons and am ridiculously excited for the season ahead ... I have turned over a new leaf in my journey to better health and am constantly amazed at what my body can do.
16. I miss my Grandma Betty everyday.
17. I used to lie a lot when I was growing up.
18. I like beer.
19. I am a tomboy. I have no desire to dress up or wear make-up ... I have been a sweats and ponytail girl since I can remember. When I do dress up it makes me feel special, and I suppose if I did it everyday then people wouldn't notice.
20. I have always had really good friends, male and female.
21. I don't care much for pasta.
22. I have always hated having big boobs. I was made fun of by lots of people growing up.
23. I don't consider myself an artist. I enjoy painting, it is a peaceful place for me to be involved in a project. When I had the shop though, I would always be so nervous that someone would not like what they had ordered ... never happened, just dumb insecurities I suppose.
24. I love the Dodgers. I love going to baseball games and would love to travel the United States and go to every major ball park.
25. I want plastic surgery. I would have my boobs lifted, just put back to where they belong and my tummy tucked. My stretch marks are outrageous, and although they are from 2 amazing pregnancies, I would love to get rid of the flap that lays over my C-Section scar.
26. I love shabby-chic furniture, I love to refinish it myself. Going to a flea market and looking for fun things to refinish is exciting.
27. My mother is amazing, she has always been my confidant and biggest cheerleader. I still think there is a lot I don't know about her childhood and I would love to know. Hot tea, english muffins with avocado, salt and pepper and an afternoon with my Ma. I love her more than I can even describe.
28. Nancy has changed my life, for the better. I have shed years and years of shame by seeing her. I covet the time I spend with her.
29. My dog annoys me. She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't want to be around me unless I have food, she is stubborn and the hair she sheds makes me want to lose my mind. I love dogs, just not her.
30. I wish I never stopped using my retainers. My teeth have shifted and I don't like it.
31. I love going to The Screaming Peach, being hairless is awesome.
32. I want more tattoos.
33. I love Facebook and am thrilled at the friendships I have been able to rekindle. God's timing is always perfect.
34. Caloy is an amazing husband and I often think I do not do enough as a wife.
35. I am a Daddy's girl. My Daddy knows everything and no one can ever measure up.
36. Everytime I hear Crystal Lewis' song, "Come As You Are" ... I cry. I relive the exact moment that I stood up at the Harvest Crusade and walked onto the field to be saved, no greater moment in all of my life.
37. I want a Jetta.
38. I love my nose ring. I often forget it is there and I just adore it, just a bit of sass.
39. I loved nursing my children, alone in a rocker, even at 2am, such a blessing.
40. I enjoy playing games, I am competitive.
41. Growing up in Seal Beach was surreal when I think back, it was a perfect little town and I am so thankful to have lived there.
42. I have been through a lot in my short 32 years of life, and I completely believe in the phrase, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
43. The Shack is one of the greatest books I have read in my life.
44. I love drinking water.
45. The only time I cried at my wedding was when I danced with my brother. Our DJ timed it perfectly and we danced to a song we used to sing as kids. At a point in the not too recent past I thought he would die and I praise God daily now for his sobriety.
46. I love how my children love my parents. I am so thankful that they live so close and will have the relationship with them that I never had with my own.
47. I love to dance and I think the invention of the ipod is the greatest thing ever. I love music and have great memories of music throughout my life.
48. I once threw up in a movie theater, into the popcorn bag and soda cup, I left it there in the aisle under the chair.
49. I love to eat chips and salsa.
50. I spray on Heaven Sent perfume every morning, just to remember my Grandma Betty.
51. My Book Club group is phenomenal, amazing women, fantastic life stories, and getting together to share in life once a month is such a gift.
52. Although I am a Veg, I'm not grossed out by meat, people can eat what they want ... really, it makes me sad, but to each their own. If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be Vegetarian, such suffering.
53. I remember walking on the beach with my Daddy and him singing "Surfer Girl" to me. I know the sacrifice that was made when they moved here, my Dad misses the ocean horribly.
54. I was not raised in a Christian home, but there are so many times I can see the hand of God in my life. He was always there, waiting ...
55. I love working at the YMCA.
56. I cry once a month, a good cry ... it is a release.
57. I don't want to be a slave to the scale, I just want to look in the mirror and appreciate all I see. I want to love myself more.
58. I think I am funny ... I also think I said that already, but it's worth saying again ... what is better than a good sense of humor?
59. You just never know what is happening in the heart of a person, or in someone's home ... my childhood is the perfect example.
60. I detest the word retard.
61. Hummingbirds are miracles.
62. I love my home. I love that my house is yellow and I have a red door.
63. I still get horribly painful acne, zits suck.
64. I am not good at math. I remember my HS guidance counselor telling me if I didn't pass the HS math equivalency test that I wouldn't graduate. I had wanted to be an architect like my Daddy, but when I found out the math that was required I changed my mind.
65. I like to read magazines. VegNews is my favorite.
66. There are only a handful of people that know every detail of my life.
67. Matthew's freckles are beautiful and I hope Grace will get them too. Growing up I didn't like them and I remember people telling me that they would go away when I was an adult ... ummm, nope, still there.
68. Jumping off Aspen Mountain at 10,800Ft was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
69. Hahaaa, 69. I am immature and I think it's funny ... I remember getting the keys to our house and when it was being built, walking through it and thinking, "I am way too immature to own a home."
70. I wish my family didn't smoke. It is the biggest heart ache I have.
71. My trip to Willow Creek church was a soulful renewal, God met me there in a way I can't explain ... I pray I am able to make it an annual tradition for myself.
72. I do enjoy cooking and should do it more.
73. I picked 73 things instead of 100 because I wanted to ...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
WHAT the WHAT?!?!?!?
I went to my Weigh-In on Saturday morning. I was looking forward to it, as I had missed the 2 weeks prior ... and ... I've been working out at an insane pace, so I was really hoping for a decent loss.
I stepped on the scale ... looked at the numbers ... and ...
I had GAINED.
Not 1 ... or 2 even ... but F-I-V-E pounds?!?!?!? WHAT the WHAT?!?!?!?
I was initially discouraged, I talked with the group leader and explained how I've been working my ass off (literally ... ummm, or so I thought) and she said I am probably not eating enough, and with all the weight lifting I have been doing, I am gaining muscle with weighs more ... yahda yahda yahda. I tried to act like I cared ... but I was mad really. I went to sit down for the meeting and then decided to take my bad attitude home.
I logged onto WeightWatchers.com and posted my concern on 2 different groups, the Vegetarian page and the Women's Fitness page. Here is what I posted and how people responded;
Went to my WI this morning, 1st time in 3 weeks, sick kids, blah blah and other reasons ... and I was SHOCKED to see that I was up FIVE pounds. WHAT the ???I am training for an Olympic Triathlon, been doing cardio/weights 3x a week ... swim training 2x a week ... I've not been eating out of control ...
Can this really be muscle weight?!?!?
I am fighting the urge to eat my face off at the moment.
Help.
-Jessica
"You might want to go to the women's fitness board because this question comes up everyday. But if you're earning a lot of activity points you should be sure to be eating them is the gist of the advice.and congrats on sticking to such a tough exercise schedule!!, that's really difficult and more important to your health than the weight!"
"Weight loss and *serious* sports training can unfortunately work at cross purposes to each other. Sports training is very stressful on the body and your body will hold water AND calories to "survive" the ordeals you are putting it through.
For some people you have to choose: be a competitive athlete or have consistent w/l."
"I think you can safely say you truly gaining muscle mass. Another way to gauge yourself is measure your body (I admit I don't do that but a lot of people do). I did also start a more vigorous exercise routine and I eat much of my activity points now bc of it and I find it fine. I am still loosing but just a little slower due to my increase in muscle mass. Anyway don't be discouraged your doing great! Next thing you know your body will reset/balance itself out again to your new exercise regimen and your start going down again!"
"I agree with that. This happened to me when I was training for a half. Make sure you are eating enough to fuel those workouts. I seriously doubt that it is muscle mass. You have to try really hard to build 5lbs of muscle (hours and hours spend lifting weights plus eating loads of protein)."
"I think if you know you've been on plan and you are doing serious training, you need to let the scale go and focus on the truths you know. That number will go down - it is most likely water. Keep on going - it will show!"
"Jessica- Please don't be discouraged- there are a LOT of reasons you could be up 5lbs. First of all, it could have to do with your menstrual cycle- I can fluctuate 3-7 lbs depending on my hormones. Secondly, especially since you are active and training for an event, your muscles could be retaining water. I would pay close attention for the next couple of weeks, making sure you're well hydrated, and if it doesn't go away, then re-evaluate what you're doing in terms of eating/ exercising.
Good Luck and keep up the great work!"
"With all that training, how many AP's are you earning per day/per week? HOw many are you eating? This is a generalization, of course (for we are all different), but often if you are earning 4 or more APs, 5 or 6 days per week, you need to eat half to all of them to continue to keep the metabolism revved. Also to keep the metabolism humming along, try to eat every 2 - 3 hours or 4 - 6 mini meals thru out the day, and be sure to include protein in as many of those mini meals as you can."
"Dont get discouraged or I will need to join you too. I had a bad WI this morning as well and I worked my a** off this week, and felt as though I ate right too. I was bummed at WW today but it is okay, brush yourself off and move on....I am now on a mission for this week to take off that gain and more this week."
"Are you getting in your GHG? Your healthy oils and your not-diary but soy? Are you eating lots of protein? Are you eating all your WP and AP? You can't work your body that hard, not give it what it needs, and it feel safe to release fat. "
It was encouraging to hear from so many people ... AP for those non-weight watcher people means Activity Points ... I have a set point goal for the day, all food has a point value and then you can "earn" activity points on top of your daily goal. I also heard from my race guru, and she told me "I know it's so upsetting. I have a very hard time not gaining when I'm training. A lot of it is your muscles need water to heal. Usually after lifting or a more difficult effort I will see a gain for the next couple days. It's a good sign. Make sure you are eating enough and fueling your workouts, then keep with your plan, it will even out. It can be a drag." I love that she can speak to me with such honesty. It is a drag, but it'll be ok.
So, yes, I did gain, but I am not going to allow that number to derail my efforts ... from tomorrow, I will have TWO months until my 1st Olympic Triathlon. I need to stay focused, I need to trust that my body is reacting to all I am doing, that it is holding water to repair my muscles after 3 days of weight lifting. I know how I am feeling, how my arms look, how I am getting muscle definition in my arms and legs ... it all works together for good and I will just again surrender this entire journey to the One that makes it all possible.
Lord, Thank you for this day. For 60 degree weather in March, for an amazing swim workout, for the endurance that I am building, for the run training and jog through the CU campus, to look up and see the blue sky and the Flat Irons ... Your Grace is sufficient for this day. The number on the scale I surrender to You. For the gains and losses to come Lord, prepare my heart, help me to stay focused on my goal, and continue to use my body to glorify You. I am Yours. Amen.
I stepped on the scale ... looked at the numbers ... and ...
I had GAINED.
Not 1 ... or 2 even ... but F-I-V-E pounds?!?!?!? WHAT the WHAT?!?!?!?
I was initially discouraged, I talked with the group leader and explained how I've been working my ass off (literally ... ummm, or so I thought) and she said I am probably not eating enough, and with all the weight lifting I have been doing, I am gaining muscle with weighs more ... yahda yahda yahda. I tried to act like I cared ... but I was mad really. I went to sit down for the meeting and then decided to take my bad attitude home.
I logged onto WeightWatchers.com and posted my concern on 2 different groups, the Vegetarian page and the Women's Fitness page. Here is what I posted and how people responded;
Went to my WI this morning, 1st time in 3 weeks, sick kids, blah blah and other reasons ... and I was SHOCKED to see that I was up FIVE pounds. WHAT the ???I am training for an Olympic Triathlon, been doing cardio/weights 3x a week ... swim training 2x a week ... I've not been eating out of control ...
Can this really be muscle weight?!?!?
I am fighting the urge to eat my face off at the moment.
Help.
-Jessica
"You might want to go to the women's fitness board because this question comes up everyday. But if you're earning a lot of activity points you should be sure to be eating them is the gist of the advice.and congrats on sticking to such a tough exercise schedule!!, that's really difficult and more important to your health than the weight!"
"Weight loss and *serious* sports training can unfortunately work at cross purposes to each other. Sports training is very stressful on the body and your body will hold water AND calories to "survive" the ordeals you are putting it through.
For some people you have to choose: be a competitive athlete or have consistent w/l."
"I think you can safely say you truly gaining muscle mass. Another way to gauge yourself is measure your body (I admit I don't do that but a lot of people do). I did also start a more vigorous exercise routine and I eat much of my activity points now bc of it and I find it fine. I am still loosing but just a little slower due to my increase in muscle mass. Anyway don't be discouraged your doing great! Next thing you know your body will reset/balance itself out again to your new exercise regimen and your start going down again!"
"I agree with that. This happened to me when I was training for a half. Make sure you are eating enough to fuel those workouts. I seriously doubt that it is muscle mass. You have to try really hard to build 5lbs of muscle (hours and hours spend lifting weights plus eating loads of protein)."
"I think if you know you've been on plan and you are doing serious training, you need to let the scale go and focus on the truths you know. That number will go down - it is most likely water. Keep on going - it will show!"
"Jessica- Please don't be discouraged- there are a LOT of reasons you could be up 5lbs. First of all, it could have to do with your menstrual cycle- I can fluctuate 3-7 lbs depending on my hormones. Secondly, especially since you are active and training for an event, your muscles could be retaining water. I would pay close attention for the next couple of weeks, making sure you're well hydrated, and if it doesn't go away, then re-evaluate what you're doing in terms of eating/ exercising.
Good Luck and keep up the great work!"
"With all that training, how many AP's are you earning per day/per week? HOw many are you eating? This is a generalization, of course (for we are all different), but often if you are earning 4 or more APs, 5 or 6 days per week, you need to eat half to all of them to continue to keep the metabolism revved. Also to keep the metabolism humming along, try to eat every 2 - 3 hours or 4 - 6 mini meals thru out the day, and be sure to include protein in as many of those mini meals as you can."
"Dont get discouraged or I will need to join you too. I had a bad WI this morning as well and I worked my a** off this week, and felt as though I ate right too. I was bummed at WW today but it is okay, brush yourself off and move on....I am now on a mission for this week to take off that gain and more this week."
"Are you getting in your GHG? Your healthy oils and your not-diary but soy? Are you eating lots of protein? Are you eating all your WP and AP? You can't work your body that hard, not give it what it needs, and it feel safe to release fat. "
It was encouraging to hear from so many people ... AP for those non-weight watcher people means Activity Points ... I have a set point goal for the day, all food has a point value and then you can "earn" activity points on top of your daily goal. I also heard from my race guru, and she told me "I know it's so upsetting. I have a very hard time not gaining when I'm training. A lot of it is your muscles need water to heal. Usually after lifting or a more difficult effort I will see a gain for the next couple days. It's a good sign. Make sure you are eating enough and fueling your workouts, then keep with your plan, it will even out. It can be a drag." I love that she can speak to me with such honesty. It is a drag, but it'll be ok.
So, yes, I did gain, but I am not going to allow that number to derail my efforts ... from tomorrow, I will have TWO months until my 1st Olympic Triathlon. I need to stay focused, I need to trust that my body is reacting to all I am doing, that it is holding water to repair my muscles after 3 days of weight lifting. I know how I am feeling, how my arms look, how I am getting muscle definition in my arms and legs ... it all works together for good and I will just again surrender this entire journey to the One that makes it all possible.
Lord, Thank you for this day. For 60 degree weather in March, for an amazing swim workout, for the endurance that I am building, for the run training and jog through the CU campus, to look up and see the blue sky and the Flat Irons ... Your Grace is sufficient for this day. The number on the scale I surrender to You. For the gains and losses to come Lord, prepare my heart, help me to stay focused on my goal, and continue to use my body to glorify You. I am Yours. Amen.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
"Why are we so hard on ourselves?"
I went to Fleet Feet in Boulder last Sunday for a running clinic. It was wonderfully informational. I learned that with every strike of your foot while running ... you are putting 6 times your body weight on your feet. WOW!
The woman that runs the store is well known for sports bra fittings, as they are different than your regular bras. So, I had her come into the dressing room and measure me. I was wearing my Levi's and a hot pink bra, but as I was standing there looking at my tummy with outrageous stretch marks, I kinda grabbed it and said something along the lines of "blah blah blah ... can't wait till this is gone ..." and she just said to me "Why are we so hard on ourselves?". Right! Why am I? Would I ever say that to anyone else? Never.
I have realized though as I am watching my body reshape that I am so very different now physically then after I had Matthew. I have carried 2 babies, 2 big babies, I gained 60lbs twice and nursed them each for a year. I have an amazing body. I look at it now and see a tummy that is never going to be flat, and boobs, oh Lordy, my boobs, that are so saggy, women in the bush of Africa would be shocked. Why am I so hard on myself?
I see change happening ... change I am thankful for, regardless of my dough-like tummy and tube sock boobies ... I need to not be so hard on myself, my body is a gift. I can run. I can swim. I can dance. I had 2 babies.
I must surrender my negative self talk, take it Lord, it does me no good, I should be full of praise for the way my body is made, perfectly and wonderfully. Forgive me for ever thinking I was less than anything you made me to be. I am learning to love my body for what it is, in this moment, for how You made me. Amen.
The woman that runs the store is well known for sports bra fittings, as they are different than your regular bras. So, I had her come into the dressing room and measure me. I was wearing my Levi's and a hot pink bra, but as I was standing there looking at my tummy with outrageous stretch marks, I kinda grabbed it and said something along the lines of "blah blah blah ... can't wait till this is gone ..." and she just said to me "Why are we so hard on ourselves?". Right! Why am I? Would I ever say that to anyone else? Never.
I have realized though as I am watching my body reshape that I am so very different now physically then after I had Matthew. I have carried 2 babies, 2 big babies, I gained 60lbs twice and nursed them each for a year. I have an amazing body. I look at it now and see a tummy that is never going to be flat, and boobs, oh Lordy, my boobs, that are so saggy, women in the bush of Africa would be shocked. Why am I so hard on myself?
I see change happening ... change I am thankful for, regardless of my dough-like tummy and tube sock boobies ... I need to not be so hard on myself, my body is a gift. I can run. I can swim. I can dance. I had 2 babies.
I must surrender my negative self talk, take it Lord, it does me no good, I should be full of praise for the way my body is made, perfectly and wonderfully. Forgive me for ever thinking I was less than anything you made me to be. I am learning to love my body for what it is, in this moment, for how You made me. Amen.
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