Today's Oprah ...

was profound.

Kirstie Alley was on again. When Oprah came back this season and did her shows about "falling off the wagon" and about how she was "still talking about the same issue" ... Kirstie emailed her and told her she did the same.

Kirstie Alley was the Jenny Craig spokesperson ... wow, talk about a public fight with weight and image and to have hit your "goal" ... there she sat with Oprah, having put it all back on PLUS 10 more pounds.

Incredible.

Oprah also interviewed a man named Michael who was in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most dramatic dieter ... or something along those lines ... this man was 1100lbs, and with the help of Richard Simmons (giggle) he lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds over 19 months, to hit his goal of 198lbs. He was on the show today, after he gained it ALL back ... plus some too, he had to be fork-lifted from his home ... he is back down to 300+lbs now.

They all have the same story, my story, your story, it's all the same.

If it is 5lbs, or 500 ... we are all on the search for something better. I don't know a single person that can look in the mirror and be truly satisfied with what they see. There is not a person I have ever known that is not on a journey to better themselves physically, in one way or another.

It dawned on me today, EVERYONE has this issue. Everyone.

I want this to be about health, about being a model for my children, about not always pining for something better, this is something I will never get over, I know this now, this is about learning to deal with it, in a healthy and positive way.

Everyone deals with it in one way or another.

EVERYONE.

Blows my mind really. I am not alone, I have never been alone. My journey may look different than yours, but we each have one, a story, a time when we have felt less than, a time when we have wanted more for ourselves.

I am thankful for that show today, it was amazing. How brave for those people to showcase themselves so publicly after they feel like they have failed.

I understand that failure and feeling unworthy.

I am worthy.

Journey onward ...

Sausage casing ...

is what it felt like when I was trying to shove my bod into a wetsuit last night, without body glide. I went to a clinic at Fleet Feet in Boulder, amazing women work there. There was a Pro Triathlete there, she shared so much wisdom, and a Pro runner, placed 5th at the Boston Marathon ...

So, I found a wetsuit that works, the 1st one, I could hardly breathe, and with the boobs I have, sheesh ... but the next size up was better ... I even had my name pulled at the raffle and won a free weekend rental. I am bummed I won't be able to get in an Open Water Swim before my race ... TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY, I'll be on the road to Vegas ... but it's all good, I've heard awesome things about swimming in a wetsuit, so I am looking forward to the added buoyancy and speed.

My back is still bothering me ... I think my long bike ride last Sunday I was pinching my shoulder blades together too much, and since I've had a yucky pinching pain, soreness ... worse in the morning when I first get up and in the shower ... praying for healing.

Doing a Dip-n-Dash on Sunday.

I am still horribly frustrated with my weight loss, ummm, lack of ... I'm just stuck at the moment. Being stuck blows.

It's ok, it is what it is, at this moment ...

TWO WEEKS ...

Update ... um ... finally.

So ... this is me ... duh ... last Sunday, in my bike get-up. I have a skort-bike-short-thang ... and I threw on pants under since it was raining. I'm wearing my Team CWW zippy-jacket-shirt-thang too. I actually am also wearing my swimsuit and "last resort" sports bra too ... When I have been riding lately, I've been wearing my suit, to better prepare myself for my race, all my layers in place.

I haven't been to WW in a while now ... and yep, I am still paying monthly. I am semi-journaling what I have been eating, but am at a stand-still with my weight loss. I'm kinda frustrated by it, knowing how much I've been working out, my swim alone last Wednesday was so hard, I thought I could have dropped 3lbs alone, but nope. So, I am being patient in this area, I am surrendering my desire for the scale to move, just knowing and trusting that I am doing what I need to be doing at this exact moment in my life.

I found a different WW meeting on Mondays which I am going to go to. I love my Saturday meeting and the leader there, but it's just not flying with my schedule at the moment.

I have twenty-something days left until my race ...

I made chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and M&M's (at Matthew's request) yesterday and I ate it for breakfast.

Two steps forward, one step back?

Maybe.

It was freaking good.

Whatever.

I was encouraged by my friend to post my testimony ... so I will. Why not? I shared it with a room full of women and the freedom in sharing was unlike anything I have ever known ... so I will post it soon.

We've got a crazy storm coming through, lots of rain and the potential for snow. I am praying that it really blows over come Sunday ... it'll be my 1st time putting together my swim, bike and run before my race ... and I'd prefer not to be frozen ... just a personal preference.

I'm letting my hair grow ... just feel the need for the convience of a pony tail this summer ... random thought.

Sooo ... that is me, at whatever weight I am at ... plugging along and getting ready for the longest triathlon I've ever done, the 1st of 5 races I have throughout the summer.

GO ME!

Perfection is my enemy.

Here are the lyrics to an awesome song;

http://www.francescamusic.com/tracks/free-to-be-me-lyrics

If you cut and paste that you can hear the song from her site ...

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

This song speaks to my heart in such a huge way ... been a little while since I've posted but I'm focused on my race ... 32 days ...

Perfection is my enemy and I surrender it all, moment by moment.