What the $%@?
I am moping this morning. Not sure why ... Grace did not sleep well and she still has a fever. She is sleeping right at this moment though, maybe I should be catching some Zzzz on the couch too.
Matthew is home from school today ... Parent/Teacher Conferences. We had ours last night. It was ok. Matthew struggles with reading, as do most that have a hearing loss. I just feel like this year is such a sink or swim year for him ... to be mainstreamed. His teacher is very straight forward and said how distracted Matthew is. I asked if it was "typical 7 year old boy behavior" or something "to be concerned about" ... she said not quite yet, but to keep an eye on it. It was surprising that his test scored him behind his peers in reading, because at home, the homework he brings, he reads very well. He does well in math, loves to draw ... his writing lags too ... but reading and writing go hand in hand and not having all his hearing is certainly making this 1st grade year and transition into mainstream education a little more difficult.
Maybe that is why I am uber-emotional today ... I don't want him to struggle. I just don't, and he is ... I just need a day to be sad about it, and I'll be ok tomorrow.
It is cloudy today and I want to stay in my jammies all day, but I have to work at the Y, and take a sick child along with me. I want to eat crap and watch dumb television, thats what I want to do.
Sooo, the tears ... I drove-thru Starbucks, wanted a Soy Chai ... the nice lady in the window asked how I was, and I started to cry. What the #$%? I must be hormonal. Her little eyes opened so big as if totally regretting asking me how I was, then she tried to make conversation, when all I wanted was my Chai and a good cry.
I don't want to go to work. I want to be home with my children and hold my baby that is sick, drink my chai and cry ... is that too much to ask? Freakin' hormones.
And in being as emotional as I am ... I just re-read what I typed ... I love my little blog, it just makes me feel better to get this all out and to imagine that someone reads it and understands how I feel. I don't know why I put the stigma of Matthew "sinking or swimming" on him ... he can float around for a bit, maybe he needs a noodle to keep him up ... I'll be his noodle, I'll swim along side and make sure he doesn't go under ... that's what I'll do.
1 comment:
My heart cries with you. I know that I will face these same thing in the coming years and it terrifies me. It's good to remember that it's ok to cry...I don't do that enough. I try to be the coast guard...not just a noodle.
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