Peace

that surpasses all understanding ...

God promises this when we just trust and accept His gift of Grace ...

I've longed for that Peace for a long time, all my life, longing ... often without even knowing I was ... and I found it, I have it, and it came in a place I would have never believed ...

a church in Chicago ... Willow Creek, Sunday, December 21st 2008. God met me there, in a profound way, I felt a shift in my soul and I am overwhelmed with His Grace.

I know now that taking time for myself is not out of selfishness and when guilt surfaces it is not of God.

I have a life that is a grand blessing, a wonderful husband, children that I love so much it hurts, family and friends abound, a home that is warm, a healthy body ... and with it all I also have a husband who has a disability and communicates in a language different from my own, a child with continuing medical problems and special needs, one family that is the polar opposite of the family in which I was raised, much needed healing in my own family after addiction ... when it's all written down, the deep felt desire I have to run and hold my knees and rock in a corner is blatantly obvious ...

I have a life that is difficult, one that I have chosen, one that God has blessed me with ... and to cope and learn and grow ... I will continue to take time for myself.

Just when I needed it the most, God met me at church on Sunday, He sat by me, He held my hand, He whispered that it was exactly where I needed to be at that moment in my life. He talked to me, He understood my pain and above all He loved me, just as I was, just as I am ...

A Peace that surpasses all understanding ... the deep sigh of perfect comfort I felt has my head spinning and I am so thankful.

Christmas morning was wonderful. What a gift to be given to the world? What would this world be like if everyone knew and loved my Savior as I do?

I am coveting the coming New Year.

I have signed up for a half-Ironman Triathlon and I can hardly wait to begin training ... time for myself, time to renew my soul, to meet my Savior and experience His Peace again and again. Time to clear my head when life takes over ... I am signing up to be part of a Triathlon training team in Boulder. I will find races and travel to them, and come back home to the praises of my family, renewed, thankful and full of Peace.

Thank you Lord for meeting me at Willow Creek church in a way I have never experienced. Thank you for loving me no matter what, no matter how, no matter when or why ... Use me as You need to, let me serve You in all I do. Thank you for the chance to get away, to make time for me and to resolve any feeling of guilt that I bear ... Thank you for the continued healing in the depths of my soul. There is no greater gift this Christmas. Amen.