Saturday Morning

So I am home from my weigh-in and it surely wasn't what I had hoped ... 0.8 loss ... which, shoot, a loss is a loss and I'll take it. I am down 8 lbs now in 4 weeks which I need to celebrate! I had great work outs this week and I know I am on the track to a healthier me.

I am a work in progress and this transformation doesn't happen over night ... although, how awesome would it be if it did? (Joking ... kind of?!?)

I have to remind myself that I am 6 years older too than I was the last time I really committed to this weight loss journey and things slow down right? I've always had a sucky metabolism, so this shouldn't be anything new really ... My body will lose, lose, lose then hold ... and I am in a hold ... so I will really kick it up this week and hit my 10 lbs loss next Saturday. This is my goal.

I don't want to sound like I am making excuses ... being older and blah-blah-blabbity-blah ... I am a healthier than I was 4 weeks ago! My clothes fit better than they did 4 weeks ago! I am proud of myself!

Last Tuesday at my Mom's group, which I was so thrilled to be at, I really miss the fellowship with my friends ... the speaker talked about how your kids should catch you praying ... they should be able to walk into your room and see you on your knees. I related that to my better health journey as well ... I want my kids to see Mommy eating healthy and stand at the finish line to watch me run across ... I want my children to grow up in an environment that promotes exercise and healthy life choices.

I gotta get in the shower and then I am taking Matthew down to Children's Hospital to get casted for his new back brace. I am hoping and praying this will be the 1st time he doesn't cry and completely flip out.

I keep hearing in my head, "Be Still and know that I am your God" ... This is what God is telling me right now ... Be still and know that you are a work in progress and -0.8 is fabulous. Be still and know that I am already at Children's waiting for you and will give your son peace. Be still and know that this journey you are on will bless your family in ways that you can't even imagine. Be still and know that I am working in your life and other people can see me through you. Be still and know that I am your God.

I will be still God and just rest in your peace, You know, and for that I am overwhelmed with thankfulness. Amen.

I am AWESOME

Why? You ask? Well ... I went for an awesome run this morning. The weather was perfect and I am super proud of my pace and distance. I am awesome.

I got to one point and my ipod played "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire ... and I felt the need to dance. Yes, right in the middle of my workout ... I felt the groove and went with it.

Hahaha ... I am laughing out loud right now as I type this. It was awesome ... I looked around to see if anyone else was watching ... not that I cared, but it made me smile just to slow down and dance ... I danced right up to 17th and while I was crossing the bridge on 17th, I was still dancing. Two cars went by, a man and then an older woman and they both smiled so big as they drove by ... I wonder what they thought, "Look at the girl dancing ... she is crazy?!?" Maybe they smiled and I brought a little joy to their day? It felt so awesome. I love being uninhibited.

Hahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ... what a fabulous way to start my day!

Thank you Lord for this day, this day only Jesus. I will not think of tomorrow or of yesterday ... I will be thankful in this day only, with my children and my husband, I will enjoy every moment ... come what may. Thank you Jesus for the dance steps in my feet, for my ability to groove when I feel the need and to know that dancing is simply good for my soul. I am so thankful for your Grace renewed this day Lord. You are so good. Amen.

Race Calendar 08

Quite a while ago I registered for my 1st full marathon ... it is on Sunday May 4th. Clearly life has had other plans for me, sickness, children, husband, work, more sickness ... and I have not been training as much as I should have been. I am thinking I will do the half marathon instead this time around and pursue a full marathon later in the year. This is all ok with me, really. Setting a goal as huge as a marathon needs my full attention and I just have not been able to give it that, so I will just adjust my plans ... isn't that how life is anyways?

The weekend after is the Title Nine 9k on Mother's Day. I did this race last year and it was fabulous. It is around the Boulder Reservoir ... I am signed up again this year and really looking forward to it.

I will do my 3rd triathlon this Summer as well ... the Tri for the Cure is in Denver on August 3. I LOVE this race and am already looking forward to it. It is a sprint Tri, which means a 1/2 mile swim in open water (my favorite part!), 12 miles on the bike and a 5K run at the end. It is all women, cancer survivors and just an awesome event. I love it!

Then Caloy and I are registered for the Muddy Buddy on August 17th. www.muddybuddy.com. We have never done this race before and we are so excited. It is 6 miles, running 3 and biking 3, switching off at every mile marker with your partner and completing some kind of obstacle together ... a cargo net, climbing wall or something ... the last obstacle is a huge MUD pit that we must do together ... hence the name, "Muddy Buddy". It'll be awesome!!!

Whew ... lots going on in the coming months ... I am glad to have blogged about this ... it helps to reignite my fire to focus on my workouts and get my body ready for all that is to come. I am a competitive girl ... is that the tomboy-ish-ness in me? I am so blessed to have a husband that is wonderfully supportive in all my endeavors. Thank you Caloy. Mahal Kita.

Lord, thank you for this day, may I glorify You in all that I do. Amen.

I'm dreaming of a

white Easter??? My Ma said this morning that the last several years we have had a white Easter ... that must really put a wrench in the Easter Bunny's plans huh?

I don't know what it is about a holiday morning but my kids sense it and are awake a good hour earlier than normal ... always. Christmas, Easter, Valentines ... they sense that there is a special something waiting for them on the dining room table.

When I was growing up my Ma always had something for us ... no matter what holiday, you could count on fun plates, something special to eat and a gift of some sort or another waiting on the table. I always looked forward to that and I am happy to be doing the same with my monkeys.

I love to decorate the light above the table, right now it has eggs hanging down at all different lengths ... its just something fun, easy and festive that I enjoy doing. The kids Easter baskets are baseballs ... Matthew's is white and Grace's is pink. They are super cutie patoootie ... thanks Target.

We did an Easter egg hunt for plastic eggs ... I am over the dying gross egg experience ... Matthew raced around and kept saying how he was winning ... Grace eventually got what was going on with the help of her bestest friend, her Da-da.

I attempted to make a Monkey Bread-ish breakfast ... although it is back in the over for a second round because it wasn't cooked all the way through. Hmmm ... it smells good, so we'll see.

This week I did take some time to explain to Matthew what Easter is really about. When I was explaining that Jesus died, his face fell and his little eyes opened up so wide ... but when I told him the reason we celebrate Easter and that Jesus lives, I wish I had a camera to take a picture of his face, I will never forget how his little face lit up ... "He is alive! I know." he said ... I love how children just believe ... there is no "but" or wanting a more in depth explanation ... it just is.

Faith like a child, isn't that what we are called to have?

Happy snowy Easter ... enjoy your day, through the eyes of your children, where nothing is greater than finding an egg and eating the ear off of a chocolate bunny ... and knowing without a doubt that Jesus lives.

7.2 and 20 months.

Today was my 3rd week weigh-in at Weight Watchers. I lost another 1.6 for a total of 7.2! I am beyond thrilled! I am hoping to make the 10lb. mark by the end of March. I've got to up my work outs this week ... I signed up for the Title Nine 9k Mother's Day run in May. I got in some good weight lifting this past week which feels really awesome. I am just super dooooper proud of myself and my resolve to be a healthy mama. I can feel God working on me in so many ways right now and the lessons being learned are amazing.

The "20 months" in my title refers to my Gracie Lou. I don't think she has stopped fussing this morning but for a few moments that she had a toothbrush in her mouth. Here come the terrible two's man, I can feel it. I remember on Matthew's 2nd birthday, how he woke up from bed ... he spent the entire day in fits, crying, and it was horrendous. I thought, "Wow, there really is some truth to the whole terrible two deal" ... it is showing up early with Grace. She is just a complete fuss bucket this morning. She even screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" to me in the kitchen about orange juice, which just made me laugh out loud.

I've got to find something to laugh about ... this is how I cope.

Thank you Lord for my weight loss this week. Thank you for continuing to work on my heart and soul. Thank you for giving me the energy to deal with a 20 month old that can do nothing but cry and fuss right now. Thank you Lord for my sense of humor ... for making it possible that I can laugh and find something funny in an almost two-year-old tantrum about orange juice. Through the day to day struggles of this life Lord, Thank you for your Grace, it is sufficient for me. Amen.

Balloons

I just finished a great little run in my basement ... "little" because it was only about 25 minutes, but it felt great nonetheless. While I was running I looked over through the basement window into the window well and there was a blue balloon ... kinda deflated ... I started thinking about that balloon.

I wonder where it came from? It is blue, so maybe it was from a little boy's birthday party? Maybe is was from a baby shower and the mommy-to-be was having a baby boy? Why does blue have to mean it had something to do with a boy? Maybe it was part of a huge bunch of multi-colored balloons that were a grand surprise to someone who was feeling sad?

I like balloons.

I would love to go in a hot air balloon ride. My 1st grade teacher Mrs. Underwood had one ... she would bring it to school and blow it up on the field. Hmmm, that doesn't sound right, I mean inflate it ... not blow it up. It was great.

I went to the Snowmass Hot Air Balloon Festival in 2000, when I was working at the Deaf Camp with Caloy ... one of the most amazing and colorful sites I have ever seen.

I enjoyed day dreaming about the blue balloon in my window well as I was running. I hope no one was sad when they realized that they lost it ... little do they know it is stuck at my house and making me smile. Thanks for sharing your balloon ... whoever you are.

Drum roll ...

At my 1st weigh-in at Weight Watchers I lost 5.6 lbs. YIPEEE! HORRAY! WHAAA HOOOOO!!! I am thrilled with this loss to say the least! This is a great program and I know that it works and I am just so thankful to be fully committed again.

I am proud of myself throughout the challenges of the last few days that I am not emotionally eating. I am choosing to exercise, I am choosing to eat right and I am choosing to stay committed to my plan.

Thank you Lord for this change in me ... it has been a long time coming.
Amen.

Even in this ...

God is bigger than my Gracie Lou and the coming challenges ... I went for an amazing run (which is a miracle in and of itself ... that I wanted to exercise instead of plant my face in a 9x13 pan of brownies!) and I wanted to share my Divine experience.

When I started it was cloudy and chilly ... in the 40's probably. I ran towards a park near us and as I turned the corner to head west right into the park, I swear the skies parted and the sun was shining on my face ... even more Divine??? My ipod turned to Amazing Grace. I could have sobbed.

I slowed down and walked to a bench and I sat down in the park and just praised God ... Even in this, He loves Grace more than I can, more than is humanly possible to comprehend. Epilepsy, (deep breath), I can handle. I know this in the core of my soul. Jesus was crucified for me, for my Gracie, for my Matthew and Caloy. Even in this ... another challenge in the life of the Fernandez Family, Even in this ... another trip to Children's Hospital, Even in this ... watching my daughter being sedated and put through a CT Scan, Even in this ... waiting for appointment times, learning new things about something I have no knowledge of, Even in all of this ... my Lord and Savior is king of the flood and He promises to be by my side. He was there in the park, He warmed my face and it felt like it was an 80 degree afternoon as I sat and listened to the words of Amazing Grace.

It is only through God's Amazing Grace that I can be pummeling pillows, sobbing and yelling things you would only hear at a truck stop and then a few hours later be completely at peace. And I am ... even in this.

Thank you Lord for my gut feelings. I know that is Your Holy Spirit moving me. Thank you for Children's Hospital, as we have no fear there, we know that place, and in our previous and ongoing medical struggles with Matthew, You have been preparing us for this round with Gracie. Thank you Lord for my friends and family that are on their knees for me. Thank you Lord for music, for the sunshine that you wrapped my body in as I ran, it was just what I needed to strengthen my soul. Even in this Lord I will turn to you, I will praise You through this storm Jesus. Amen.

Wednesday afternoon

I realized my last post was on a Wednesday, and here I am again on a Wednesday ... what's up with Wednesday?

This past weekend was the Women's Retreat with our church. I went with friends of mine that are more than friends, true sisters in Christ. Our time completely renewed me. I am still meditating on everything I learned, everything I wrote down ... I feel like I could use an entire day, comfy jammies, in my bed with a great cup o' tea, and my Bible. I need to read and re-read all the grand thoughts that I jotted down over the weekend.

I am reading a really amazing book right now too. "When I Lay my Isaac Down" by Carol Kent. I feel like the messages I learned this weekend are completely in sync with what I am reading about right now. So much to learn. I think I have high-lighted every other word in this book. I need time to digest it all.

On the weight loss front, I am doing awesome and at this very moment, I gave myself a high-five. I weigh in on Saturday for the 1st time. I missed last week since I was at the retreat, so I am expecting some good numbers to show up!!! I've been great journaling and staying within my daily allowances ... this time it is different. I have learned so much just in the past week or so, I really feel God moving in my soul.

I can't wait to let everyone know how my weigh-in goes this Saturday ... Thank you Lord for my strength renewed, for the lessons I am learning, for Your guidance, for my sisters in You, for my stretcher-bearers. God you are so good. Amen.

Wednesday Morning

Well, I am home again ... Gracie Lou is still sick ... my Ma was supposed to have her today but she is sick now too. Would drinking Lysol be bad? It's just a never ending cycle of gross-bug-sick-barfy-coughs around here.

I had to get to work this morning for a really important DHH department meeting ... (that means Deaf and Hard of Hearing). Here is a little background ...

(I feel like this could be a long blog ... so if you need a cup of coffee, you might wanna get one now).

When I was hired back in October as a Sign Language Interpreter, there were already 7 other interpreters in our department and 2 teachers of the Deaf, one is actually deaf ... does that matter? Nope, just thought I'd add that tidbit. (Told you this was a long one).

One of those teachers of the Deaf was hired new this year too, so we bonded as the "newbies". I interpret in 2 of her classes as well, so we had lots of time to talk ... she is a Christian and an amazing woman with great experiences to share. I also shared with her the various interpreting experiences I have had ... short of the drive-thru with my husband, that doesn't count as an "interpreting experience" but a bonus for being married to me!

Where I had interpreted in CA at CSUF we had evaluations. We had an in-house evaluation to see our performance skills, teachers filled out evaluations about the services we provided in their classrooms, and the students evaluated us. Not like a "yea, my interpreter sucks!" evaluation but like this;
-Is your Interpreter on time?
-Does your Interpreter dress appropriately? (meaning no crazy colors or prints or jewelry ... this is distracting to Deaf people while trying to watch you for hours ... understandable right?
-Do you feel confident in the skills of your Interpreter; when you are called on in class or you ask a question, Do you feel your Interpreter voices for you appropriately and without hesitation?

Questions like that ... it was all about the students at a collegiate level having the ability to advocate for themselves and so on.

Soooo ... little miss newbie brought that up once ... or twice. "Why aren't there evaluations here?" Little did I know that I was about to rock the boat in a HUGE way ... not just rock, but quite possibly flip the entire boat over and have everyone scrambling for a life vest.

I got the evaluations from CSUF in CA and the 2 teachers and I made a bunch of modifications ... clearly things meant for college students were not fitting for a 12 year old ... but still the main purpose is this was advocating and teaching these students those skills, collaboration with the mainstream teachers that we are with and as informational data for our supervisors ... not a big deal right???

Shoot, it was a HUGE deal ... and still is ... that was what our meeting was about this morning and now the Administration is in on it ... good thing is they appreciate what I am doing and are completely on board with me and the 2 teachers ... while still the others are fighting over their life vests and the water is getting choppier by the minute.

The other interpreters are so mad about this ...
"You don't understand what we have fought for in the district!" "We want to be treated as equals" "This will give a teacher all the power" ... and I am thinking to myself, "Self ... what are they scared of???" Everything they talk about is regarding years past. Today at the meeting the Vice Principal said, "is this or that happening this year? No? Ok, Lets move on ... we are talking about now ... let that go." I wanted to yell, "AMEN!" They were saying "we think this and that" and I had to raise my hand and say, "I am not part of the WE and I am sorry but I disagree".

Yeah ... then a huge wave came and the boat that was rocked over was pushed farther out to sea, man, if looks could kill?#@$!

Finally one interpreter said, "well I've been having problems since the beginning of the year with one teacher" and I said "wow, glad you brought that up in march!" Hmmm ... that didn't go over too well either. I just don't get the lack of communication at the school, how completely overwhelmingly negative they all are ... the glass isn't only half-full, but it is dirty sea water with grunge and trash floating on the top!

Good thing is that the VP is behind these new evaluations and it very appreciative of my input. Is this why God brought me to that school? To change things and make it better for those children, so they will learn to advocate for themselves and collaboration with mainstream teachers will improve? Goodness ... it's been an interesting ordeal, to say the least.

But another thing hit me when I was driving home ... Why is it that I can so easily tell the others to move forward from their past ... to look ahead and not waste energy looking back?

I need to do that in my own life. If I can do so at work, then I need to do so with my own personal story ... my own experiences that have nothing to do with interpreting ... my childhood, my relationships, my experiences that have left me with extra weight to carry ... forgiving myself for my wrong doings and failures.

I just answered my own question ... through this job and this lesson, God is teaching me to do so in my own life, my own past. I remember when I met Caloy and 3 or 4 months into our relationship and I had a heart-to-heart with him about my past ... I wanted to lay it all out on the table ... and afterwards he shrugged his shoulders and told me "the past is the past ... we will move forward together". So simple, so profound and so true.

I hope the interpreters will move on, they will see this change as something positive for our role at the school ... they'll reach their life vests, climb back into the boat and we will row onward. (Nice analogy huh?) My prayer is that this lesson will resonate in my own life ... that I too will forgive myself, not look backward, or if I do ... to only see how far I have come and how much God has changed my life. I will look back thankfully only, from this moment forward.

Thank you Lord for this lesson in my life ... again for my blog and safe place to write about my struggles and everyday life. THIS is the day that You have made Lord, I will rejoice and be glad ... if I look back Lord, let it be with a thankful heart for all You have rescued me from. Lord, let me be a light of encouragement at my job, let me lead by example, so those that look at me know that You live in my heart and soul. Amen.
(P.S. Sorry this was so long, but you were warned!)

Glorious Day in Colorado

Today was the kind of day that reminds me WHY we live here ... the morning was chilly and crisp ... and the afternoon was Divinely warm with a nice breeze ... sky was blue and the mountains were singing.

I am grateful to have lived in California and growing up in Seal Beach was an amazing blessing ... but when it is sunny and warm everyday or nearly everyday ... you tend to not think twice about and take it for granted.

Having 4 true seasons here when you have a day like today, you are so thankful for the warm sunshine, the trees starting to bloom and the crisp morning air. I love that our backyard is landscaped now and I have a lilac that will bloom in a month or so ... I love that tomorrow it might possibly snow ... and that makes me that much more thankful for today and our fun bike ride to the park ... amazing that tomorrow we could be sledding. Colorado is an amazing place to live and a day like today makes my heart swell with gratitude for the beauty that abounds here.

Thank you Lord for the country I live in, thank you for my family raising me in Seal Beach, where I could spend the summers with sand between my toes. Thank you Lord for putting in on our hearts to move our family, for all you have provided and in every way met our needs as we followed You here. Thank you Lord for the sunshine today, for the warmth in the air and mountains outside my door. Thank you Lord for tomorrow and the snow that is coming ... one more chance to throw a snowball before next year. Amen.