How does that go?

"The best laid plans ... "

Something, something ... go awry?

That's for sure. This week has been crazy and it's only Wednesday. I am home with Matthew, he is sick ... and although I was sick all last week, I still went to work, but I can't take him with a 101.5 + fever. It's nice to be home this morning. Caloy will work 1/2 day and when he gets home, I'll go into work. I had really planned out a great week too ... but somehow it's just not happening. (shrug).

My entire take on this getting in shape deal is so different than ever before in my life. I am enjoying my new found attitude. I am making good choices and exercising, but I am not being a freak about it.

This week and last I've had a hard time journaling all that I have been eating and I have certainly not been exercising since feeling like I was hit by a truck (oh, yes and I started my period this morning too! Nice.) ... but I am also (for the 1st time ever) not completely stressing about it. I am not beating myself up, I am not sabotaging my efforts thus far ... I am just rolling with the punches and doing what I can do in this moment.

I am thrilled with my loss so far ... I am at 16.8 lbs and down a good size or 2 now. I would love to lose another 16.8 lbs ... and I will. I am making deep changes in my heart and soul, changes that have been a long time coming.

In previous attempts at weight loss, I have been fanatical ... and that serves no purpose but to make myself crazier ... which most would agree, I do not need. I am really enjoying this journey, and with every change in the scale, I just know so deep in my soul that I won't ever be at that weight again.

Maybe it's my age? Where I am in my life? Just this content satisfaction that I am doing something amazing, physically and emotionally, that will bless my husband and children, my friendships and family ... slow as it may be ... "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" ... that's it. Thanks google.

Yep, plans go astray. I will count it as a huge victory how I emotionally adjust and deal now ... just rolling with it all, what more can I do?

I will just try again today ... I will enjoy a perfectly ripe summer nectarine, and I will write it down, I will enjoy a cup o' joe and write that down too. I hope to exercise tonight after work. I will lay in bed and rub my hot Matthew's back till he sleeps. I am thankful for this day, for my blog and the peace it brings me to share my thoughts.

Happy Wednesday.

I Can Do Anything ...

for this week ... so this week, I shall;

have an awesome shake in the morning, after my coffee, of course,

pack a fruit and veggie filled lunch everyday and drink all the water that I bring with me,

exercise every morning, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday,

focus on the day the Lord has given me, I will rejoice and be glad in it,

plan our dinners and prep what I can in the morning before work, with the exception of Thursday, as I already have work-related dinner plans.

This will be a great week. My cold is slowly going away and I am looking forward to renewed energy and focus.




Thank you for this day Lord, thank you for the amazing message today at church and how it touched my heart and soul. Thank you for my garden that is growing. Thank you for the depth of emotions in my 6 year old boy, how he is so heart broken that a friend is moving away ... I love that he is so caring. Thank you for Gracie Lou and all that she is learning to say, WHY? has been a new question and being the goof I am, I love the answers I am coming up with ... to which she smiles and says OK, no matter how silly I am. I love that she gets me already.

Thank you Lord for the interview my husband had last Friday, and for the potential of a job that would be closer to home. We are praying that Your Will be done in our family.

Thank you for my brother, for the depth of the conversation that we shared today, for the forgiveness in our hearts and our willingness to acknowledge wrongs in our lives and make amends. I am so overwhelmingly thankful for the work You are doing on my brother's heart.

I will thank you in advance Lord for this week to come ... for the children that I will be responsible for, the staff that I will lead and all the fun that will be had, bless the children that I get to see everyday Lord, Thank you for giving me a chance to bring joy into their lives.

Thank you for the fruits and vegetables in my refrigerator that are waiting to be eaten and enjoyed and thank you for my running shoes here by my bed awaiting my feet in the morning. You are so good to me Jesus, I love you. Amen.

Friday ... Thank God.

Goodness, what a week.

I had to talk with a Mom that just got back custody of her daughter that has been in our program all summer and in Foster Care and ask her to bring proof that the courts awarded her custody.

I got to call a Mom today to ask her to bring another change of clothes for her son, who is almost 11, and smelled so bad that kids were complaining.

I had a meeting with a Mom about her child's behavior, she came to us in tears, so upset with how he had been behaving ... he is 6 and he can't stop hitting and kicking other children.

I got to tell a child that I would pray for him, he is 12 and in the Foster Care system, and he just learned that he wasn't being adopted ... through teary eyes he said God wasn't answering his prayers and that he didn't know what his purpose in this life was.

I had the chance to pull out a 2nd graders tooth ... kids were chanting his name waiting for the bloody tooth to be yanked from his face.

I got to confront a staff member about their performance and suggest they take some time off if they couldn't pull it together.

I sang the shark song, the Y Camp song and Boom-chick-a-boom ... one too many times.

I dealt with bloody noses, bee stings, cleaned up barf twice and had about a million conversations about what was inappropriate behavior.

All of this, while I had a wicked cold, a sick husband and my own two beautiful children to entertain after working 12 hours.

I am a tired woman.
I do love my job.
I love my husband and my children.

I had an amazing session today with Nancy, amazing and life changing.

I am tired ... did I mention that ... maybe sharing a pitcher of margaritas after work with my boss isn't helping my need to find a pillow and close my peepers.

Good night.

Ugh

Ugh ... yep, that word just describes it all ... ugh.

I am sick. I want to cut my face off ... I am plugged with snot and unhappy, achy and tired. I was asleep by 6:45 last night. I am tired from working 12 hours a day ... and frustrated that my body isn't keeping up at the moment.

I am totally hormonal and want to kick my husband too. It helped to read my friend's blog about her adoring husband on Father's Day ... just when I wasn't feeling it. You know what I mean?!? I am PMS'ing something fierce and I just need a break at the moment ...

Then Caloy sent me a text message that he had a bad cough and was coming home early to rest ... really!?! C'mon man. I am sick, not you ... and he is the biggest wiener on the planet when he doesn't feel good.

So, with both of us sick ... the kids will be in bed early, Caloy and I will sip Nyquil till we pass out and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Friday Weigh-In

Drum roll ......................................................

I LOST 4.2 LBS THIS WEEK!

Yipeeee!! HOOOOO RAH! Yea! WHAAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I've been so on my game this week, and it showed on the scale. I am thrilled to say the least ... I weighed in today instead of tomorrow just because we have a lot going on and I knew I was on a roll. Damn, that feels good ... you should of seen the faces of the ladies that were working at 6:45 this morning when I did a happy dance after I got off the scale, they were laughing.

I have worked out everyday ... running and swimming and light weights ... I have packed a great lunch and snacks to keep me going all day long at Y Camp and I have planned good dinners. I have journaled everything and followed my plan.

I just gave myself a HIGH FIVE because I am so proud of me!

I am at a 16.8 lb loss now. My Ma and I went shopping and everything is a size smaller ... If I could do a flip I would ... oh, a cartwheel I can do though ... or a somersault!

YES! YES! YES!

Just wanna ...

toot my own horn ... tooooot, tooooooot, tooooty-toot toot!

It is 8:15pm, Caloy is out with a friend rock climbing in Boulder ... I worked more than 8 hours ... the kids are both in their own beds ... this is not new for Gracie Lou, but for Mr. Matthew it is, a work in progress, to say the least.

I have packed all our lunches for tomorrow. Grace's diaper bag is packed and ready. Matthew's backpack has newly washed swim trunks and a towel for tomorrow at Y Camp. I have the coffee pot ready to go, Caloy even has his sugar in his cup ready to be stirred.

I have been up every morning this week (yes, it is only Tuesday ... ) at 5:15 and been out the door running 3-4 miles or so. My shoes are by my bed, untied and ready for my tootsies in the early morning.

I have renewed energy. I think this new found routine for our family is turning out to be quite a blessing. Grace is doing awesome in her new school. We are really happy with where she is at ... The Goddard School is amazing. Matthew is enjoying being at Y Camp, he is a tired boy by the time he gets home.

I am planning out my lunches, pointing everything and feeling wonderfully satisfied throughout the day. My protein shake is set and ready for tomorrow morning, with a banana sitting on top of my cup even.

Oh, and I have a load in the dryer and the dishes are done.

I just feel like things are good. We are at a good place right now ... I am getting healthier day by day and in complete awe of all that God has in store for our family.

Life is grand and blessings abound.

I am taking a deep breath, enjoying the peace I feel at this exact second and tooting my own horn ... I am proud of my organizational skills, I am proud that my babies are in their beds and I am proud that I am doing what I have to do at this moment in my life to take care of my family.

Thank you Lord for this day, thank you for this peace I feel that is so real and overwhelming. Thank you for all that is happening in our lives, that your hand is in the midst of it all, guiding us, protecting us and making us more aware of your Divine grace in every breath we breathe. Amen.

Haircut

So, here is my sassy new hair cut ... it is shorter than I had planned, but I am enjoying my new found sass ... well, not new found, I've always been sassy ... maybe my re-energized sass?!? It's fun and layered, super easy to do in the morning ... can't even go in a pony, which is a good thing for me ... if hair is ponytail-able then I cop-out and rarely do my hair.

Poor picture quality as we used Caloy's nerd box for a photo ... we are getting a new camera on Thursday which I am super excited about!

Pray for our Gracie Lou, she starts at The Goddard School tomorrow ... while I am at Y Camp with Matthew and Caloy is working. It just feels right for her, she will love it.

My sassy hair and I are going to sleep now ...
Peace.

Video

I love the song "Video" by India.Arie. I think she is a brilliant song writer. Here are some lyrics that really make sense to me;

VIDEO
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't.
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't.
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes,
really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul.

I'm not the average girl from your video,
and I ain't built like a super model,
but I learn to love myself unconditionally,
because I am a queen.

I'm not the average girl from your video,
my worth is not determined by the price of my clothes,
no matter what I'm wearing I will always be India.Arie. (Ha, my name, Jessica Leigh rhymes and fits right in, so when I am listening to this, I always sing my name instead, Ha.)

When I look in the mirror, yea, the only one there is me.
Every freckle on my face is where it is supposed to be.
I know my Creator didn't make no mistakes on me.
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes, I am loving what I see.

Great song huh? Makes me smile. Lots of songs do, this one was just on my mind and I wanted to share. Happy Sunday.

10 weeks left ... and counting.

So, I made it through Week 1 of Y Camp. Whew, and what a week it was ... I have really great staff, and everything went wonderfully smooth. No kids were kicked out this week, and that is a victory in and of itself. We had a few behavior slips ... but all in all, it was a great and exhausting week! 10 weeks left ...

I was nervous about my weigh-in this morning ... had my period last week, way-over-stressed, working 12 hour days and eating a few too many bagel chips since I didn't prepare and pack a decent lunch ... oh and I also didn't get a day of exercise in ... so I thought for sure I would have had a lousy weigh-in this morning ... BUT ...

I was only up 0.2! Yes, the same 0.2 that I have been dancing with for sometime now ... on and off, 0.2 up, 0.2 down ... I am really thrilled after having the crazy week I did, that I am still maintaining my overall loss, so I am counting this as a HUGE victory.

Last week I also started something I have never done in my life ... I am seeking the wise counsel of a Christian woman named Nancy. She is an angel. Nancy is a therapist that a friend told me about ... and I am just so blessed that God lead me to her. She told me that when the student is ready then God presents the teacher. I am ready and she is available, and already great things are happening.

In this journey, of getting healthier ... it has been on my heart for sometime to really deal with the issues that have kept my weight on and off and on again for my entire life. It is time to deal with things in my life that have burdened my heart and soul deeply, it is time to let these things go.

As I have lost weight before in my life, this is just different now. I am settled in my life ... I have an amazing family ... we have a beautiful home ... my life just feels complete, like I can take in a good deep breath and look around at the blessings that abound, exhale and just be full of thankfulness. So, I am ready, I am ready to deal with my burdens, my issues, my baggage ... the kinds of things that everyone has in one way or another. I want to be free.

Thank you Lord, for this journey, for the 0.2 loss or gain, for the changes in my soul. Thank you for Nancy and giving me a safe place to really get into the depth of my weight issue. Thank you for my job at the YMCA, for the children that I am entrusted with, for the staff that keeps me smiling and for the simple fact that I get paid to play all day. Thank you Lord for my husband and his unconditional love and support. Thank you for giving him a heart of understanding, while I am on continuing on this journey ... that he just loves me as I am, in this place, at this moment. Thank you for my Matthew and Grace. Thank you for their spirits, for their sweet faces as we pray together every night, for the joy in their faces when I come home everyday. Thank you for the sunshine today, as the rain has passed and the grass seems to be a more beautiful green than I have seen before. I will breath deep Lord and know that You are working on my heart and soul and in turn my body will glorify You more and more, if only at 0.2 lb a week. Amen.

Oh, yea, I forgot ...

what complete exhaustion feels like. Day one of Y camp is done. I worked 12 hours ... and sat down for maybe 20 minutes. Holy #$%@! I am pooooped.

My feet are screaming at me. I have really great teva sandals ... but I haven't worn them since last summer, and after being on them all day, they are not too happy with me. I am sitting in bed ... kids are asleep, it's only 7:45 and they are just aching. I think a pedicure this Friday will be my reward for working too much, chasing kids and being so wiped out. Yes, yes, a pedi it is.

The day went really well. I think I run a pretty well oiled machine ... my staff were great, kids were super, for the most part ... had to have some "that behavior is unacceptable at the Y" talks ... but all in all, day one went on without a problem.

Matthew is enrolled all summer and it was fun to see him with his group, singing songs, playing games ... he didn't even want to sit by me at lunch. Such a big boy now.

He was sleeping, or so I thought, he just came into my bed and he wants to play a new game he learned today. Ahh, and yes, Grace too is in her bed, I thought she was sleeping and now I hear her crying and calling for the dog. Savanah must be laying in her room ... I can hear her, "nana ... nana!"

I'd get up but my feet hurt. Ha, that made me laugh out loud ... Mother of the Year. Excellent.

Well, I hope to have my eyes closed by 8 ... gotta be there to open again tomorrow morning.

Thank you Lord for my job at the Y. Thank you that I get paid to play, that Matthew can be there with me, that Gracie is cared for during the day, that this job, as long and as hard as I work is meeting the needs of our family. Lord you are so good to me. Amen.