ARGH!

Ok ... so, this blog post is more of a rant, a vent about a super shitty shopping experience last night, be warned.

Let me apologize before I even start for my language this morning, although I already said "shitty", damn, more is to follow ...

Just as I made my rule to NOT weigh-in the same day I start my period, I made a new rule after going to Dick's last night (which by the way is a dumbass name for a sporting goods store, Dick's, just a yucky word ... I can hear my Mom saying, "it's just a name" ... true, but I don't like it. How does someone named Richard get the nickname Dick anyhow?!?!?)

My new rule is to NOT ever, even think about for a fleeting moment, go shopping for a new bathing suit the first day on my period. I am bloated and disgusting and trying to shove my rockin' bod into what looks like a sausage casing, while my undies stick out the bottom ... and not cute undies let me add, "the period undies" that I only wear once a month on the first day of my cycle because they are huge and something an 80 year old would wear just because they are comfortable and at anytime could be used as a parachute ... you all have a pair, I'm sure ... Why is it a pair of undies when it's only one?!?!? I am full of random shit this morning. AGRH! What the F?!?!?!?

Focus Jessica.

So, back to Dick's, being in a dressing room with the world's worst fucking lighting, shoving my bloated body into a speedo ... I started laughing out loud at how completely ridiculous I looked. It was horrid. And this brings me to my complaint about athletic swimwear ... as I was reminded last night why I do not own a speedo, TYR, Nike or any other athletic swimsuit. They are all made for women that have NO BOOBS ... yes, no cha-cha's, no knockers, no melons. Even in losing nearly 25lbs, my bra size has not changed at all! (not that I would expect it to, this is the way it's been since the 4th fucking grade when I was the 1st girl to wear a bra!) The way the suits are cut leaves minimal space for any boob coverage and I was just popping out of every possible place. The jerk off that made those suits, most likely a man, and ha, probably with the name Dick, was stupid enough to use straps that are as thin as my pinky finger ... and that gives support how?!?!? What the F? I do not want a swim suit that has underwire, are you kidding me?!?!? Nor the "built-in-shelf-bra" which too, is the biggest joke ever. Those never fit, they offer no support and I am left with boobies drooping to my waist in a swimsuit that looks like shit!

(deep breath)

Oh, wait, damn, I forgot ... those crappy suits are upwards of $60 too. ARGH!

My lesson learned is this, I will never fit into an athletic suit, which I accept. Just as I accepted in Middle School that everyone could wear Guess jeans and I couldn't. It is what it is. My body is how it is and yes, a work in progress, but knowing the size of my chest will not dramatically change, I'm going to start looking into wetsuits ... there has to be something out there for me and I'll find it.

I don't plan on going to Dick's anytime soon. Dick's, ugh.

I should add though, after my ridiculously shitty experience, I had the biggest urge to consume an entire bag of Oreo's and I headed directly to Safeway ... the moment I was in the store though, that desire faded (praise God) and I ended up with some fruit leather instead. Yea me!

Lesson learned. Swimsuits suck, so do periods, bloating, granny undies and shitty lighting. Never again.