let me introduce myself ...
My name is Jessica.
I used to blog all the time ...
the last time was apparently in April ...
and now ...
it is June 20th.
How did this happen?
No clue.
Life.
Races.
Children.
School.
Work.
Sleep.
Forgive me ... I shall begin again ...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Today's Oprah ...
was profound.
Kirstie Alley was on again. When Oprah came back this season and did her shows about "falling off the wagon" and about how she was "still talking about the same issue" ... Kirstie emailed her and told her she did the same.
Kirstie Alley was the Jenny Craig spokesperson ... wow, talk about a public fight with weight and image and to have hit your "goal" ... there she sat with Oprah, having put it all back on PLUS 10 more pounds.
Incredible.
Oprah also interviewed a man named Michael who was in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most dramatic dieter ... or something along those lines ... this man was 1100lbs, and with the help of Richard Simmons (giggle) he lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds over 19 months, to hit his goal of 198lbs. He was on the show today, after he gained it ALL back ... plus some too, he had to be fork-lifted from his home ... he is back down to 300+lbs now.
They all have the same story, my story, your story, it's all the same.
If it is 5lbs, or 500 ... we are all on the search for something better. I don't know a single person that can look in the mirror and be truly satisfied with what they see. There is not a person I have ever known that is not on a journey to better themselves physically, in one way or another.
It dawned on me today, EVERYONE has this issue. Everyone.
I want this to be about health, about being a model for my children, about not always pining for something better, this is something I will never get over, I know this now, this is about learning to deal with it, in a healthy and positive way.
Everyone deals with it in one way or another.
EVERYONE.
Blows my mind really. I am not alone, I have never been alone. My journey may look different than yours, but we each have one, a story, a time when we have felt less than, a time when we have wanted more for ourselves.
I am thankful for that show today, it was amazing. How brave for those people to showcase themselves so publicly after they feel like they have failed.
I understand that failure and feeling unworthy.
I am worthy.
Journey onward ...
Kirstie Alley was on again. When Oprah came back this season and did her shows about "falling off the wagon" and about how she was "still talking about the same issue" ... Kirstie emailed her and told her she did the same.
Kirstie Alley was the Jenny Craig spokesperson ... wow, talk about a public fight with weight and image and to have hit your "goal" ... there she sat with Oprah, having put it all back on PLUS 10 more pounds.
Incredible.
Oprah also interviewed a man named Michael who was in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most dramatic dieter ... or something along those lines ... this man was 1100lbs, and with the help of Richard Simmons (giggle) he lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds over 19 months, to hit his goal of 198lbs. He was on the show today, after he gained it ALL back ... plus some too, he had to be fork-lifted from his home ... he is back down to 300+lbs now.
They all have the same story, my story, your story, it's all the same.
If it is 5lbs, or 500 ... we are all on the search for something better. I don't know a single person that can look in the mirror and be truly satisfied with what they see. There is not a person I have ever known that is not on a journey to better themselves physically, in one way or another.
It dawned on me today, EVERYONE has this issue. Everyone.
I want this to be about health, about being a model for my children, about not always pining for something better, this is something I will never get over, I know this now, this is about learning to deal with it, in a healthy and positive way.
Everyone deals with it in one way or another.
EVERYONE.
Blows my mind really. I am not alone, I have never been alone. My journey may look different than yours, but we each have one, a story, a time when we have felt less than, a time when we have wanted more for ourselves.
I am thankful for that show today, it was amazing. How brave for those people to showcase themselves so publicly after they feel like they have failed.
I understand that failure and feeling unworthy.
I am worthy.
Journey onward ...
Friday, April 24, 2009
Sausage casing ...
is what it felt like when I was trying to shove my bod into a wetsuit last night, without body glide. I went to a clinic at Fleet Feet in Boulder, amazing women work there. There was a Pro Triathlete there, she shared so much wisdom, and a Pro runner, placed 5th at the Boston Marathon ...
So, I found a wetsuit that works, the 1st one, I could hardly breathe, and with the boobs I have, sheesh ... but the next size up was better ... I even had my name pulled at the raffle and won a free weekend rental. I am bummed I won't be able to get in an Open Water Swim before my race ... TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY, I'll be on the road to Vegas ... but it's all good, I've heard awesome things about swimming in a wetsuit, so I am looking forward to the added buoyancy and speed.
My back is still bothering me ... I think my long bike ride last Sunday I was pinching my shoulder blades together too much, and since I've had a yucky pinching pain, soreness ... worse in the morning when I first get up and in the shower ... praying for healing.
Doing a Dip-n-Dash on Sunday.
I am still horribly frustrated with my weight loss, ummm, lack of ... I'm just stuck at the moment. Being stuck blows.
It's ok, it is what it is, at this moment ...
TWO WEEKS ...
So, I found a wetsuit that works, the 1st one, I could hardly breathe, and with the boobs I have, sheesh ... but the next size up was better ... I even had my name pulled at the raffle and won a free weekend rental. I am bummed I won't be able to get in an Open Water Swim before my race ... TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY, I'll be on the road to Vegas ... but it's all good, I've heard awesome things about swimming in a wetsuit, so I am looking forward to the added buoyancy and speed.
My back is still bothering me ... I think my long bike ride last Sunday I was pinching my shoulder blades together too much, and since I've had a yucky pinching pain, soreness ... worse in the morning when I first get up and in the shower ... praying for healing.
Doing a Dip-n-Dash on Sunday.
I am still horribly frustrated with my weight loss, ummm, lack of ... I'm just stuck at the moment. Being stuck blows.
It's ok, it is what it is, at this moment ...
TWO WEEKS ...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Update ... um ... finally.
So ... this is me ... duh ... last Sunday, in my bike get-up. I have a skort-bike-short-thang ... and I threw on pants under since it was raining. I'm wearing my Team CWW zippy-jacket-shirt-thang too. I actually am also wearing my swimsuit and "last resort" sports bra too ... When I have been riding lately, I've been wearing my suit, to better prepare myself for my race, all my layers in place.I haven't been to WW in a while now ... and yep, I am still paying monthly. I am semi-journaling what I have been eating, but am at a stand-still with my weight loss. I'm kinda frustrated by it, knowing how much I've been working out, my swim alone last Wednesday was so hard, I thought I could have dropped 3lbs alone, but nope. So, I am being patient in this area, I am surrendering my desire for the scale to move, just knowing and trusting that I am doing what I need to be doing at this exact moment in my life.
I found a different WW meeting on Mondays which I am going to go to. I love my Saturday meeting and the leader there, but it's just not flying with my schedule at the moment.
I have twenty-something days left until my race ...
I made chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and M&M's (at Matthew's request) yesterday and I ate it for breakfast.
Two steps forward, one step back?
Maybe.
It was freaking good.
Whatever.
I was encouraged by my friend to post my testimony ... so I will. Why not? I shared it with a room full of women and the freedom in sharing was unlike anything I have ever known ... so I will post it soon.
We've got a crazy storm coming through, lots of rain and the potential for snow. I am praying that it really blows over come Sunday ... it'll be my 1st time putting together my swim, bike and run before my race ... and I'd prefer not to be frozen ... just a personal preference.
I'm letting my hair grow ... just feel the need for the convience of a pony tail this summer ... random thought.
Sooo ... that is me, at whatever weight I am at ... plugging along and getting ready for the longest triathlon I've ever done, the 1st of 5 races I have throughout the summer.
GO ME!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Perfection is my enemy.
Here are the lyrics to an awesome song;
http://www.francescamusic.com/tracks/free-to-be-me-lyrics
If you cut and paste that you can hear the song from her site ...
At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see
(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt
(Chorus)
And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though
This song speaks to my heart in such a huge way ... been a little while since I've posted but I'm focused on my race ... 32 days ...
Perfection is my enemy and I surrender it all, moment by moment.
http://www.francescamusic.com/tracks/free-to-be-me-lyrics
If you cut and paste that you can hear the song from her site ...
At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see
(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt
(Chorus)
And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though
This song speaks to my heart in such a huge way ... been a little while since I've posted but I'm focused on my race ... 32 days ...
Perfection is my enemy and I surrender it all, moment by moment.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Free Fallin ...
Today after church, I thought it was the perfect chance to take my bike off the trainer and test out the shoes and clips I've been practicing with.
I was in the alley, behind my house ... not even in motion really, and yep ...
I fell.
Lucky to have not busted my arm or wrist, catching myself, but I did get a rockin' slab o' road rash on my right knee.
Free ... free fallin' ...
My neighbor saw me ... "Ummm, did you just fall???"
Sweet.
I gathered myself and headed off, to stop by Chum's house, she lives a block away or so ... and by the time I got there, I heard "ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss" coming from my front tire. Really?!? Again, I was close enough I could walk back home. Ridiculous.
I went to Safeway to try and make some attempt at dinner, even baked an Angel food cake (in the wrong pan, by the way and it nearly exploded!) ... while I was home and cooking, I did manage to dump our entire container of rice on my kitchen floor too. I just stood there and looked at it ... Did I clean it up immediately? Nope, I thought I'd walk through it and spread it around a bit ... what a freaking disaster.
The only one who ate dinner was Caloy, and I don't know how to take that because he might eat poo if it was with rice ... my kids are really hard to cook for and I honestly think Matthew has some weird food aversion disorder ... his gag reflex is insane, won't eat or try anything ... could be an oral/motor issue ... something's up there though ... Do I have the energy to pursue it? Ummm, nope.
This week I've just felt like Jabba the freaking Hut. Just gross and bloated and fat. Isn't that a great description of yourself?!? Nice Jessica. Jessica the Hut. Blech. C'mon already period, get flowing and with that let's start the attitude adjustment.
I'm tired.
Back on track in the morning.
I was in the alley, behind my house ... not even in motion really, and yep ...
I fell.
Lucky to have not busted my arm or wrist, catching myself, but I did get a rockin' slab o' road rash on my right knee.
Free ... free fallin' ...
My neighbor saw me ... "Ummm, did you just fall???"
Sweet.
I gathered myself and headed off, to stop by Chum's house, she lives a block away or so ... and by the time I got there, I heard "ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss" coming from my front tire. Really?!? Again, I was close enough I could walk back home. Ridiculous.
I went to Safeway to try and make some attempt at dinner, even baked an Angel food cake (in the wrong pan, by the way and it nearly exploded!) ... while I was home and cooking, I did manage to dump our entire container of rice on my kitchen floor too. I just stood there and looked at it ... Did I clean it up immediately? Nope, I thought I'd walk through it and spread it around a bit ... what a freaking disaster.
The only one who ate dinner was Caloy, and I don't know how to take that because he might eat poo if it was with rice ... my kids are really hard to cook for and I honestly think Matthew has some weird food aversion disorder ... his gag reflex is insane, won't eat or try anything ... could be an oral/motor issue ... something's up there though ... Do I have the energy to pursue it? Ummm, nope.
This week I've just felt like Jabba the freaking Hut. Just gross and bloated and fat. Isn't that a great description of yourself?!? Nice Jessica. Jessica the Hut. Blech. C'mon already period, get flowing and with that let's start the attitude adjustment.
I'm tired.
Back on track in the morning.
Monday, March 9, 2009
73 Things ..
1. I think I am really funny, I love making people laugh.
2. I love avocados, peaches, mangoes and hummus, not together ...
3. I knew I would have a child with special needs, God prepared my heart before I was even married.
4. Sometimes I see something on my floor and will just lick my thumb and scrub it off.
5. I think I am a good athlete, there is a rock star bod under all this flab created by having children.
6. I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never marry anyone that had a problem with addiction, as it has ravaged through my family, the cycle stops here, and I knew that when I was young.
7. I love musicals and want to be on the stage at some point in my life ... again.
8. I fully admit I am overwhelmed by my life.
9. I am saddened by people that feel they have to earn Grace.
10. I love interpreting worship at church.
11. I am eclectic.
12. I love sunflowers, tuberose and lilac ... I think lilac is what Heaven will smell like.
13. When I was growing up, I didn't yearn to be a Mommy, I don't remember giving much thought to it at all, and probably would have waited some time after getting married if I didn't get pregnant on our honeymoon.
14. Having a Deaf husband is much more difficult than people realize. I think people see it as a novelty, but my day to day life is impacted greatly by marrying a man that can not hear anything.
15. I love triathlons and am ridiculously excited for the season ahead ... I have turned over a new leaf in my journey to better health and am constantly amazed at what my body can do.
16. I miss my Grandma Betty everyday.
17. I used to lie a lot when I was growing up.
18. I like beer.
19. I am a tomboy. I have no desire to dress up or wear make-up ... I have been a sweats and ponytail girl since I can remember. When I do dress up it makes me feel special, and I suppose if I did it everyday then people wouldn't notice.
20. I have always had really good friends, male and female.
21. I don't care much for pasta.
22. I have always hated having big boobs. I was made fun of by lots of people growing up.
23. I don't consider myself an artist. I enjoy painting, it is a peaceful place for me to be involved in a project. When I had the shop though, I would always be so nervous that someone would not like what they had ordered ... never happened, just dumb insecurities I suppose.
24. I love the Dodgers. I love going to baseball games and would love to travel the United States and go to every major ball park.
25. I want plastic surgery. I would have my boobs lifted, just put back to where they belong and my tummy tucked. My stretch marks are outrageous, and although they are from 2 amazing pregnancies, I would love to get rid of the flap that lays over my C-Section scar.
26. I love shabby-chic furniture, I love to refinish it myself. Going to a flea market and looking for fun things to refinish is exciting.
27. My mother is amazing, she has always been my confidant and biggest cheerleader. I still think there is a lot I don't know about her childhood and I would love to know. Hot tea, english muffins with avocado, salt and pepper and an afternoon with my Ma. I love her more than I can even describe.
28. Nancy has changed my life, for the better. I have shed years and years of shame by seeing her. I covet the time I spend with her.
29. My dog annoys me. She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't want to be around me unless I have food, she is stubborn and the hair she sheds makes me want to lose my mind. I love dogs, just not her.
30. I wish I never stopped using my retainers. My teeth have shifted and I don't like it.
31. I love going to The Screaming Peach, being hairless is awesome.
32. I want more tattoos.
33. I love Facebook and am thrilled at the friendships I have been able to rekindle. God's timing is always perfect.
34. Caloy is an amazing husband and I often think I do not do enough as a wife.
35. I am a Daddy's girl. My Daddy knows everything and no one can ever measure up.
36. Everytime I hear Crystal Lewis' song, "Come As You Are" ... I cry. I relive the exact moment that I stood up at the Harvest Crusade and walked onto the field to be saved, no greater moment in all of my life.
37. I want a Jetta.
38. I love my nose ring. I often forget it is there and I just adore it, just a bit of sass.
39. I loved nursing my children, alone in a rocker, even at 2am, such a blessing.
40. I enjoy playing games, I am competitive.
41. Growing up in Seal Beach was surreal when I think back, it was a perfect little town and I am so thankful to have lived there.
42. I have been through a lot in my short 32 years of life, and I completely believe in the phrase, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
43. The Shack is one of the greatest books I have read in my life.
44. I love drinking water.
45. The only time I cried at my wedding was when I danced with my brother. Our DJ timed it perfectly and we danced to a song we used to sing as kids. At a point in the not too recent past I thought he would die and I praise God daily now for his sobriety.
46. I love how my children love my parents. I am so thankful that they live so close and will have the relationship with them that I never had with my own.
47. I love to dance and I think the invention of the ipod is the greatest thing ever. I love music and have great memories of music throughout my life.
48. I once threw up in a movie theater, into the popcorn bag and soda cup, I left it there in the aisle under the chair.
49. I love to eat chips and salsa.
50. I spray on Heaven Sent perfume every morning, just to remember my Grandma Betty.
51. My Book Club group is phenomenal, amazing women, fantastic life stories, and getting together to share in life once a month is such a gift.
52. Although I am a Veg, I'm not grossed out by meat, people can eat what they want ... really, it makes me sad, but to each their own. If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be Vegetarian, such suffering.
53. I remember walking on the beach with my Daddy and him singing "Surfer Girl" to me. I know the sacrifice that was made when they moved here, my Dad misses the ocean horribly.
54. I was not raised in a Christian home, but there are so many times I can see the hand of God in my life. He was always there, waiting ...
55. I love working at the YMCA.
56. I cry once a month, a good cry ... it is a release.
57. I don't want to be a slave to the scale, I just want to look in the mirror and appreciate all I see. I want to love myself more.
58. I think I am funny ... I also think I said that already, but it's worth saying again ... what is better than a good sense of humor?
59. You just never know what is happening in the heart of a person, or in someone's home ... my childhood is the perfect example.
60. I detest the word retard.
61. Hummingbirds are miracles.
62. I love my home. I love that my house is yellow and I have a red door.
63. I still get horribly painful acne, zits suck.
64. I am not good at math. I remember my HS guidance counselor telling me if I didn't pass the HS math equivalency test that I wouldn't graduate. I had wanted to be an architect like my Daddy, but when I found out the math that was required I changed my mind.
65. I like to read magazines. VegNews is my favorite.
66. There are only a handful of people that know every detail of my life.
67. Matthew's freckles are beautiful and I hope Grace will get them too. Growing up I didn't like them and I remember people telling me that they would go away when I was an adult ... ummm, nope, still there.
68. Jumping off Aspen Mountain at 10,800Ft was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
69. Hahaaa, 69. I am immature and I think it's funny ... I remember getting the keys to our house and when it was being built, walking through it and thinking, "I am way too immature to own a home."
70. I wish my family didn't smoke. It is the biggest heart ache I have.
71. My trip to Willow Creek church was a soulful renewal, God met me there in a way I can't explain ... I pray I am able to make it an annual tradition for myself.
72. I do enjoy cooking and should do it more.
73. I picked 73 things instead of 100 because I wanted to ...
2. I love avocados, peaches, mangoes and hummus, not together ...
3. I knew I would have a child with special needs, God prepared my heart before I was even married.
4. Sometimes I see something on my floor and will just lick my thumb and scrub it off.
5. I think I am a good athlete, there is a rock star bod under all this flab created by having children.
6. I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never marry anyone that had a problem with addiction, as it has ravaged through my family, the cycle stops here, and I knew that when I was young.
7. I love musicals and want to be on the stage at some point in my life ... again.
8. I fully admit I am overwhelmed by my life.
9. I am saddened by people that feel they have to earn Grace.
10. I love interpreting worship at church.
11. I am eclectic.
12. I love sunflowers, tuberose and lilac ... I think lilac is what Heaven will smell like.
13. When I was growing up, I didn't yearn to be a Mommy, I don't remember giving much thought to it at all, and probably would have waited some time after getting married if I didn't get pregnant on our honeymoon.
14. Having a Deaf husband is much more difficult than people realize. I think people see it as a novelty, but my day to day life is impacted greatly by marrying a man that can not hear anything.
15. I love triathlons and am ridiculously excited for the season ahead ... I have turned over a new leaf in my journey to better health and am constantly amazed at what my body can do.
16. I miss my Grandma Betty everyday.
17. I used to lie a lot when I was growing up.
18. I like beer.
19. I am a tomboy. I have no desire to dress up or wear make-up ... I have been a sweats and ponytail girl since I can remember. When I do dress up it makes me feel special, and I suppose if I did it everyday then people wouldn't notice.
20. I have always had really good friends, male and female.
21. I don't care much for pasta.
22. I have always hated having big boobs. I was made fun of by lots of people growing up.
23. I don't consider myself an artist. I enjoy painting, it is a peaceful place for me to be involved in a project. When I had the shop though, I would always be so nervous that someone would not like what they had ordered ... never happened, just dumb insecurities I suppose.
24. I love the Dodgers. I love going to baseball games and would love to travel the United States and go to every major ball park.
25. I want plastic surgery. I would have my boobs lifted, just put back to where they belong and my tummy tucked. My stretch marks are outrageous, and although they are from 2 amazing pregnancies, I would love to get rid of the flap that lays over my C-Section scar.
26. I love shabby-chic furniture, I love to refinish it myself. Going to a flea market and looking for fun things to refinish is exciting.
27. My mother is amazing, she has always been my confidant and biggest cheerleader. I still think there is a lot I don't know about her childhood and I would love to know. Hot tea, english muffins with avocado, salt and pepper and an afternoon with my Ma. I love her more than I can even describe.
28. Nancy has changed my life, for the better. I have shed years and years of shame by seeing her. I covet the time I spend with her.
29. My dog annoys me. She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't want to be around me unless I have food, she is stubborn and the hair she sheds makes me want to lose my mind. I love dogs, just not her.
30. I wish I never stopped using my retainers. My teeth have shifted and I don't like it.
31. I love going to The Screaming Peach, being hairless is awesome.
32. I want more tattoos.
33. I love Facebook and am thrilled at the friendships I have been able to rekindle. God's timing is always perfect.
34. Caloy is an amazing husband and I often think I do not do enough as a wife.
35. I am a Daddy's girl. My Daddy knows everything and no one can ever measure up.
36. Everytime I hear Crystal Lewis' song, "Come As You Are" ... I cry. I relive the exact moment that I stood up at the Harvest Crusade and walked onto the field to be saved, no greater moment in all of my life.
37. I want a Jetta.
38. I love my nose ring. I often forget it is there and I just adore it, just a bit of sass.
39. I loved nursing my children, alone in a rocker, even at 2am, such a blessing.
40. I enjoy playing games, I am competitive.
41. Growing up in Seal Beach was surreal when I think back, it was a perfect little town and I am so thankful to have lived there.
42. I have been through a lot in my short 32 years of life, and I completely believe in the phrase, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
43. The Shack is one of the greatest books I have read in my life.
44. I love drinking water.
45. The only time I cried at my wedding was when I danced with my brother. Our DJ timed it perfectly and we danced to a song we used to sing as kids. At a point in the not too recent past I thought he would die and I praise God daily now for his sobriety.
46. I love how my children love my parents. I am so thankful that they live so close and will have the relationship with them that I never had with my own.
47. I love to dance and I think the invention of the ipod is the greatest thing ever. I love music and have great memories of music throughout my life.
48. I once threw up in a movie theater, into the popcorn bag and soda cup, I left it there in the aisle under the chair.
49. I love to eat chips and salsa.
50. I spray on Heaven Sent perfume every morning, just to remember my Grandma Betty.
51. My Book Club group is phenomenal, amazing women, fantastic life stories, and getting together to share in life once a month is such a gift.
52. Although I am a Veg, I'm not grossed out by meat, people can eat what they want ... really, it makes me sad, but to each their own. If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be Vegetarian, such suffering.
53. I remember walking on the beach with my Daddy and him singing "Surfer Girl" to me. I know the sacrifice that was made when they moved here, my Dad misses the ocean horribly.
54. I was not raised in a Christian home, but there are so many times I can see the hand of God in my life. He was always there, waiting ...
55. I love working at the YMCA.
56. I cry once a month, a good cry ... it is a release.
57. I don't want to be a slave to the scale, I just want to look in the mirror and appreciate all I see. I want to love myself more.
58. I think I am funny ... I also think I said that already, but it's worth saying again ... what is better than a good sense of humor?
59. You just never know what is happening in the heart of a person, or in someone's home ... my childhood is the perfect example.
60. I detest the word retard.
61. Hummingbirds are miracles.
62. I love my home. I love that my house is yellow and I have a red door.
63. I still get horribly painful acne, zits suck.
64. I am not good at math. I remember my HS guidance counselor telling me if I didn't pass the HS math equivalency test that I wouldn't graduate. I had wanted to be an architect like my Daddy, but when I found out the math that was required I changed my mind.
65. I like to read magazines. VegNews is my favorite.
66. There are only a handful of people that know every detail of my life.
67. Matthew's freckles are beautiful and I hope Grace will get them too. Growing up I didn't like them and I remember people telling me that they would go away when I was an adult ... ummm, nope, still there.
68. Jumping off Aspen Mountain at 10,800Ft was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
69. Hahaaa, 69. I am immature and I think it's funny ... I remember getting the keys to our house and when it was being built, walking through it and thinking, "I am way too immature to own a home."
70. I wish my family didn't smoke. It is the biggest heart ache I have.
71. My trip to Willow Creek church was a soulful renewal, God met me there in a way I can't explain ... I pray I am able to make it an annual tradition for myself.
72. I do enjoy cooking and should do it more.
73. I picked 73 things instead of 100 because I wanted to ...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
WHAT the WHAT?!?!?!?
I went to my Weigh-In on Saturday morning. I was looking forward to it, as I had missed the 2 weeks prior ... and ... I've been working out at an insane pace, so I was really hoping for a decent loss.
I stepped on the scale ... looked at the numbers ... and ...
I had GAINED.
Not 1 ... or 2 even ... but F-I-V-E pounds?!?!?!? WHAT the WHAT?!?!?!?
I was initially discouraged, I talked with the group leader and explained how I've been working my ass off (literally ... ummm, or so I thought) and she said I am probably not eating enough, and with all the weight lifting I have been doing, I am gaining muscle with weighs more ... yahda yahda yahda. I tried to act like I cared ... but I was mad really. I went to sit down for the meeting and then decided to take my bad attitude home.
I logged onto WeightWatchers.com and posted my concern on 2 different groups, the Vegetarian page and the Women's Fitness page. Here is what I posted and how people responded;
Went to my WI this morning, 1st time in 3 weeks, sick kids, blah blah and other reasons ... and I was SHOCKED to see that I was up FIVE pounds. WHAT the ???I am training for an Olympic Triathlon, been doing cardio/weights 3x a week ... swim training 2x a week ... I've not been eating out of control ...
Can this really be muscle weight?!?!?
I am fighting the urge to eat my face off at the moment.
Help.
-Jessica
"You might want to go to the women's fitness board because this question comes up everyday. But if you're earning a lot of activity points you should be sure to be eating them is the gist of the advice.and congrats on sticking to such a tough exercise schedule!!, that's really difficult and more important to your health than the weight!"
"Weight loss and *serious* sports training can unfortunately work at cross purposes to each other. Sports training is very stressful on the body and your body will hold water AND calories to "survive" the ordeals you are putting it through.
For some people you have to choose: be a competitive athlete or have consistent w/l."
"I think you can safely say you truly gaining muscle mass. Another way to gauge yourself is measure your body (I admit I don't do that but a lot of people do). I did also start a more vigorous exercise routine and I eat much of my activity points now bc of it and I find it fine. I am still loosing but just a little slower due to my increase in muscle mass. Anyway don't be discouraged your doing great! Next thing you know your body will reset/balance itself out again to your new exercise regimen and your start going down again!"
"I agree with that. This happened to me when I was training for a half. Make sure you are eating enough to fuel those workouts. I seriously doubt that it is muscle mass. You have to try really hard to build 5lbs of muscle (hours and hours spend lifting weights plus eating loads of protein)."
"I think if you know you've been on plan and you are doing serious training, you need to let the scale go and focus on the truths you know. That number will go down - it is most likely water. Keep on going - it will show!"
"Jessica- Please don't be discouraged- there are a LOT of reasons you could be up 5lbs. First of all, it could have to do with your menstrual cycle- I can fluctuate 3-7 lbs depending on my hormones. Secondly, especially since you are active and training for an event, your muscles could be retaining water. I would pay close attention for the next couple of weeks, making sure you're well hydrated, and if it doesn't go away, then re-evaluate what you're doing in terms of eating/ exercising.
Good Luck and keep up the great work!"
"With all that training, how many AP's are you earning per day/per week? HOw many are you eating? This is a generalization, of course (for we are all different), but often if you are earning 4 or more APs, 5 or 6 days per week, you need to eat half to all of them to continue to keep the metabolism revved. Also to keep the metabolism humming along, try to eat every 2 - 3 hours or 4 - 6 mini meals thru out the day, and be sure to include protein in as many of those mini meals as you can."
"Dont get discouraged or I will need to join you too. I had a bad WI this morning as well and I worked my a** off this week, and felt as though I ate right too. I was bummed at WW today but it is okay, brush yourself off and move on....I am now on a mission for this week to take off that gain and more this week."
"Are you getting in your GHG? Your healthy oils and your not-diary but soy? Are you eating lots of protein? Are you eating all your WP and AP? You can't work your body that hard, not give it what it needs, and it feel safe to release fat. "
It was encouraging to hear from so many people ... AP for those non-weight watcher people means Activity Points ... I have a set point goal for the day, all food has a point value and then you can "earn" activity points on top of your daily goal. I also heard from my race guru, and she told me "I know it's so upsetting. I have a very hard time not gaining when I'm training. A lot of it is your muscles need water to heal. Usually after lifting or a more difficult effort I will see a gain for the next couple days. It's a good sign. Make sure you are eating enough and fueling your workouts, then keep with your plan, it will even out. It can be a drag." I love that she can speak to me with such honesty. It is a drag, but it'll be ok.
So, yes, I did gain, but I am not going to allow that number to derail my efforts ... from tomorrow, I will have TWO months until my 1st Olympic Triathlon. I need to stay focused, I need to trust that my body is reacting to all I am doing, that it is holding water to repair my muscles after 3 days of weight lifting. I know how I am feeling, how my arms look, how I am getting muscle definition in my arms and legs ... it all works together for good and I will just again surrender this entire journey to the One that makes it all possible.
Lord, Thank you for this day. For 60 degree weather in March, for an amazing swim workout, for the endurance that I am building, for the run training and jog through the CU campus, to look up and see the blue sky and the Flat Irons ... Your Grace is sufficient for this day. The number on the scale I surrender to You. For the gains and losses to come Lord, prepare my heart, help me to stay focused on my goal, and continue to use my body to glorify You. I am Yours. Amen.
I stepped on the scale ... looked at the numbers ... and ...
I had GAINED.
Not 1 ... or 2 even ... but F-I-V-E pounds?!?!?!? WHAT the WHAT?!?!?!?
I was initially discouraged, I talked with the group leader and explained how I've been working my ass off (literally ... ummm, or so I thought) and she said I am probably not eating enough, and with all the weight lifting I have been doing, I am gaining muscle with weighs more ... yahda yahda yahda. I tried to act like I cared ... but I was mad really. I went to sit down for the meeting and then decided to take my bad attitude home.
I logged onto WeightWatchers.com and posted my concern on 2 different groups, the Vegetarian page and the Women's Fitness page. Here is what I posted and how people responded;
Went to my WI this morning, 1st time in 3 weeks, sick kids, blah blah and other reasons ... and I was SHOCKED to see that I was up FIVE pounds. WHAT the ???I am training for an Olympic Triathlon, been doing cardio/weights 3x a week ... swim training 2x a week ... I've not been eating out of control ...
Can this really be muscle weight?!?!?
I am fighting the urge to eat my face off at the moment.
Help.
-Jessica
"You might want to go to the women's fitness board because this question comes up everyday. But if you're earning a lot of activity points you should be sure to be eating them is the gist of the advice.and congrats on sticking to such a tough exercise schedule!!, that's really difficult and more important to your health than the weight!"
"Weight loss and *serious* sports training can unfortunately work at cross purposes to each other. Sports training is very stressful on the body and your body will hold water AND calories to "survive" the ordeals you are putting it through.
For some people you have to choose: be a competitive athlete or have consistent w/l."
"I think you can safely say you truly gaining muscle mass. Another way to gauge yourself is measure your body (I admit I don't do that but a lot of people do). I did also start a more vigorous exercise routine and I eat much of my activity points now bc of it and I find it fine. I am still loosing but just a little slower due to my increase in muscle mass. Anyway don't be discouraged your doing great! Next thing you know your body will reset/balance itself out again to your new exercise regimen and your start going down again!"
"I agree with that. This happened to me when I was training for a half. Make sure you are eating enough to fuel those workouts. I seriously doubt that it is muscle mass. You have to try really hard to build 5lbs of muscle (hours and hours spend lifting weights plus eating loads of protein)."
"I think if you know you've been on plan and you are doing serious training, you need to let the scale go and focus on the truths you know. That number will go down - it is most likely water. Keep on going - it will show!"
"Jessica- Please don't be discouraged- there are a LOT of reasons you could be up 5lbs. First of all, it could have to do with your menstrual cycle- I can fluctuate 3-7 lbs depending on my hormones. Secondly, especially since you are active and training for an event, your muscles could be retaining water. I would pay close attention for the next couple of weeks, making sure you're well hydrated, and if it doesn't go away, then re-evaluate what you're doing in terms of eating/ exercising.
Good Luck and keep up the great work!"
"With all that training, how many AP's are you earning per day/per week? HOw many are you eating? This is a generalization, of course (for we are all different), but often if you are earning 4 or more APs, 5 or 6 days per week, you need to eat half to all of them to continue to keep the metabolism revved. Also to keep the metabolism humming along, try to eat every 2 - 3 hours or 4 - 6 mini meals thru out the day, and be sure to include protein in as many of those mini meals as you can."
"Dont get discouraged or I will need to join you too. I had a bad WI this morning as well and I worked my a** off this week, and felt as though I ate right too. I was bummed at WW today but it is okay, brush yourself off and move on....I am now on a mission for this week to take off that gain and more this week."
"Are you getting in your GHG? Your healthy oils and your not-diary but soy? Are you eating lots of protein? Are you eating all your WP and AP? You can't work your body that hard, not give it what it needs, and it feel safe to release fat. "
It was encouraging to hear from so many people ... AP for those non-weight watcher people means Activity Points ... I have a set point goal for the day, all food has a point value and then you can "earn" activity points on top of your daily goal. I also heard from my race guru, and she told me "I know it's so upsetting. I have a very hard time not gaining when I'm training. A lot of it is your muscles need water to heal. Usually after lifting or a more difficult effort I will see a gain for the next couple days. It's a good sign. Make sure you are eating enough and fueling your workouts, then keep with your plan, it will even out. It can be a drag." I love that she can speak to me with such honesty. It is a drag, but it'll be ok.
So, yes, I did gain, but I am not going to allow that number to derail my efforts ... from tomorrow, I will have TWO months until my 1st Olympic Triathlon. I need to stay focused, I need to trust that my body is reacting to all I am doing, that it is holding water to repair my muscles after 3 days of weight lifting. I know how I am feeling, how my arms look, how I am getting muscle definition in my arms and legs ... it all works together for good and I will just again surrender this entire journey to the One that makes it all possible.
Lord, Thank you for this day. For 60 degree weather in March, for an amazing swim workout, for the endurance that I am building, for the run training and jog through the CU campus, to look up and see the blue sky and the Flat Irons ... Your Grace is sufficient for this day. The number on the scale I surrender to You. For the gains and losses to come Lord, prepare my heart, help me to stay focused on my goal, and continue to use my body to glorify You. I am Yours. Amen.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
"Why are we so hard on ourselves?"
I went to Fleet Feet in Boulder last Sunday for a running clinic. It was wonderfully informational. I learned that with every strike of your foot while running ... you are putting 6 times your body weight on your feet. WOW!
The woman that runs the store is well known for sports bra fittings, as they are different than your regular bras. So, I had her come into the dressing room and measure me. I was wearing my Levi's and a hot pink bra, but as I was standing there looking at my tummy with outrageous stretch marks, I kinda grabbed it and said something along the lines of "blah blah blah ... can't wait till this is gone ..." and she just said to me "Why are we so hard on ourselves?". Right! Why am I? Would I ever say that to anyone else? Never.
I have realized though as I am watching my body reshape that I am so very different now physically then after I had Matthew. I have carried 2 babies, 2 big babies, I gained 60lbs twice and nursed them each for a year. I have an amazing body. I look at it now and see a tummy that is never going to be flat, and boobs, oh Lordy, my boobs, that are so saggy, women in the bush of Africa would be shocked. Why am I so hard on myself?
I see change happening ... change I am thankful for, regardless of my dough-like tummy and tube sock boobies ... I need to not be so hard on myself, my body is a gift. I can run. I can swim. I can dance. I had 2 babies.
I must surrender my negative self talk, take it Lord, it does me no good, I should be full of praise for the way my body is made, perfectly and wonderfully. Forgive me for ever thinking I was less than anything you made me to be. I am learning to love my body for what it is, in this moment, for how You made me. Amen.
The woman that runs the store is well known for sports bra fittings, as they are different than your regular bras. So, I had her come into the dressing room and measure me. I was wearing my Levi's and a hot pink bra, but as I was standing there looking at my tummy with outrageous stretch marks, I kinda grabbed it and said something along the lines of "blah blah blah ... can't wait till this is gone ..." and she just said to me "Why are we so hard on ourselves?". Right! Why am I? Would I ever say that to anyone else? Never.
I have realized though as I am watching my body reshape that I am so very different now physically then after I had Matthew. I have carried 2 babies, 2 big babies, I gained 60lbs twice and nursed them each for a year. I have an amazing body. I look at it now and see a tummy that is never going to be flat, and boobs, oh Lordy, my boobs, that are so saggy, women in the bush of Africa would be shocked. Why am I so hard on myself?
I see change happening ... change I am thankful for, regardless of my dough-like tummy and tube sock boobies ... I need to not be so hard on myself, my body is a gift. I can run. I can swim. I can dance. I had 2 babies.
I must surrender my negative self talk, take it Lord, it does me no good, I should be full of praise for the way my body is made, perfectly and wonderfully. Forgive me for ever thinking I was less than anything you made me to be. I am learning to love my body for what it is, in this moment, for how You made me. Amen.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Fear.
I didn't weigh in this morning.
I had Book Club last night, enjoyed a beer or two ... ok, three ... a slice o' birthday cake ... and this morning by the Grace of God, I slept in a little bit.
I did have an epiphany though;
I have a fear of losing more weight. Sound ridiculous? Where I am at now, I have been before, this is safe here ... I feel good here ... I know I want to lose another 20lbs, and I know I can ... I've been working out like mad, eating awesome (minus cake and beer last night) ... but I realized I am sabotaging myself.
After I had Matthew, I did Weight Watchers, with great success, hit my goal in 6 months and after seeing that number on the scale, I started back in the opposite direction, for years, slowly ... until getting pregnant with Gracie, gaining more weight ... and here I am on the way back down again ...
I am in my safe zone. I am afraid to lose the last 20, to be at my goal and then what happens? Has my heart really changed? What if I get to that number and start back the other way again? All those what-ifs start swirling in my head.
This I do know ... now that I have realized that fear and have caught myself in sabotage mode, I can do something about it. I am different now than I ever have been. I am working towards an amazing goal, and I really want to believe that this is the life change I've always wanted, Yes, serious heart change has happened, that I will see that number and be satisfied, that I will be focused on my healthiness, my racing, bettering my body and soul ... This is not a temporary fix, and really not about a number on a scale ... this is about my muscles, feeling confident and worthy of taking care of my body. I am worthy, this I am learning ...
No more fear, I will leave that at the foot of the cross, fear is not of God. I am moving forward, I am getting close to my goal ... I have a little over 2 months before my race. Game face on, no time for sabotage ...
I had Book Club last night, enjoyed a beer or two ... ok, three ... a slice o' birthday cake ... and this morning by the Grace of God, I slept in a little bit.
I did have an epiphany though;
I have a fear of losing more weight. Sound ridiculous? Where I am at now, I have been before, this is safe here ... I feel good here ... I know I want to lose another 20lbs, and I know I can ... I've been working out like mad, eating awesome (minus cake and beer last night) ... but I realized I am sabotaging myself.
After I had Matthew, I did Weight Watchers, with great success, hit my goal in 6 months and after seeing that number on the scale, I started back in the opposite direction, for years, slowly ... until getting pregnant with Gracie, gaining more weight ... and here I am on the way back down again ...
I am in my safe zone. I am afraid to lose the last 20, to be at my goal and then what happens? Has my heart really changed? What if I get to that number and start back the other way again? All those what-ifs start swirling in my head.
This I do know ... now that I have realized that fear and have caught myself in sabotage mode, I can do something about it. I am different now than I ever have been. I am working towards an amazing goal, and I really want to believe that this is the life change I've always wanted, Yes, serious heart change has happened, that I will see that number and be satisfied, that I will be focused on my healthiness, my racing, bettering my body and soul ... This is not a temporary fix, and really not about a number on a scale ... this is about my muscles, feeling confident and worthy of taking care of my body. I am worthy, this I am learning ...
No more fear, I will leave that at the foot of the cross, fear is not of God. I am moving forward, I am getting close to my goal ... I have a little over 2 months before my race. Game face on, no time for sabotage ...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Training check-in
I missed my weigh-in last weekend ... for an awesome reason though.
Caloy and I went away for a night ... My parents stayed with our kiddies, we went to Boulder, had an outstanding dinner, stayed in a beautiful hotel ... it was renewing and fabulous. I love my husband, he is such a good man.
This week I have been rockin' my training ... I have swim again tonight at CU. I have been dropping weight but I am really seeing some changes in my body ... in my swimsuit even, my legs, my shoulders, my back ... I'm moving in the right direction and it feels awesome.
Thank you Lord for my husband, for his support and unconditional love. He is so encouraging and I am so thankful.
I have a little more than 2 months before my race in Las Vegas ... gotta keep pluggin away. My Team CWW training will start adding a run after the swim next week ... should be great.
Aren't bodies amazing? All that they can do, be put through, endure? God is so good, my body is a temple and I will treat it as such ... Amen.
Caloy and I went away for a night ... My parents stayed with our kiddies, we went to Boulder, had an outstanding dinner, stayed in a beautiful hotel ... it was renewing and fabulous. I love my husband, he is such a good man.
This week I have been rockin' my training ... I have swim again tonight at CU. I have been dropping weight but I am really seeing some changes in my body ... in my swimsuit even, my legs, my shoulders, my back ... I'm moving in the right direction and it feels awesome.
Thank you Lord for my husband, for his support and unconditional love. He is so encouraging and I am so thankful.
I have a little more than 2 months before my race in Las Vegas ... gotta keep pluggin away. My Team CWW training will start adding a run after the swim next week ... should be great.
Aren't bodies amazing? All that they can do, be put through, endure? God is so good, my body is a temple and I will treat it as such ... Amen.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Drumroll .........................................
and the 1st weigh-in since my self-imposed-hiatus-of-sorts ...
-4.4 lbs.
Yes! In a week! 4.4 gone.
It just feels so awesome to have regained my focus, not that it was ever lost entirely, I am just renewed and it is phenomenal.
My training for my IronGirl race has really kicked in ... I am amazed even after a handful of official swim training workouts, how much I have learned and bettered (is that a word?) my stroke. I have been tired, but just the right amount, I am sleeping great and waking with energy. My "Operation Sanity" has been a Divine time for me ... I'm just in a rockin' groove and so thrilled ... yes, I hugged myself already and gave myself a high-five.
4.4 ... Thank you Lord, for the energy to train daily, for food that is delicious, for family and friends that are supportive ... I can do all things through You, all things ... all things.
I have a great Valentine's Day planned ... I am getting a pedicure, going back to the Screamin' Peach for my 2nd round, having a great lunch with friends at The Rio, which has the best salsa I've found in the state of Colorado and maybe even catching a chick flick ... I'll make a great dinner for my family and all day just feel bathed in love ... bathed, isn't that a great word?
I am bathed in love, is there anything better? (maybe losing 4.4 in a week ...)
-4.4 lbs.
Yes! In a week! 4.4 gone.
It just feels so awesome to have regained my focus, not that it was ever lost entirely, I am just renewed and it is phenomenal.
My training for my IronGirl race has really kicked in ... I am amazed even after a handful of official swim training workouts, how much I have learned and bettered (is that a word?) my stroke. I have been tired, but just the right amount, I am sleeping great and waking with energy. My "Operation Sanity" has been a Divine time for me ... I'm just in a rockin' groove and so thrilled ... yes, I hugged myself already and gave myself a high-five.
4.4 ... Thank you Lord, for the energy to train daily, for food that is delicious, for family and friends that are supportive ... I can do all things through You, all things ... all things.
I have a great Valentine's Day planned ... I am getting a pedicure, going back to the Screamin' Peach for my 2nd round, having a great lunch with friends at The Rio, which has the best salsa I've found in the state of Colorado and maybe even catching a chick flick ... I'll make a great dinner for my family and all day just feel bathed in love ... bathed, isn't that a great word?
I am bathed in love, is there anything better? (maybe losing 4.4 in a week ...)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Operation Sanity
You know that time ...
from about 4-ish ... till your husband gets home?!? Attempting to make dinner, kids are insane, the dog needs to go out ... my patience is running thin and I'm close to losing my mind ...
I have started Operation Sanity and it's been a grand success.
The Y Childwatch is open from 4:15-7:45 every afternoon ... it's free ... with a membership, which I get for free because I work there, kinda like they are paying me to be sane, ha! I've been taking the kids when Matthew gets home from school. Grace does well with Matthew there, they play and play, while I get in some awesome cardio ... endorphins flowing, and in turn I don't lose my mind. We get home, I have the energy to make dinner, to be a good Mommy, to let the dog out ... I am far more pleasant.
Operation Sanity ought to aid in my ultimate weight loss goal as well ... I'm feeling great this week, working out lots, eating right ... I am looking forward to getting on the scale Saturday morning ... been a while since I've felt that way.
On another note, today is 10 years ... 10 years since I was at Starbucks in Huntington Beach, CA, signing with my friend Vicki, while we were "practicing" our interpreting skills, I was in my last semester in college ... and a handsome Filippino man walked up to me and asked me if I was Deaf? I replied with No, I am an interpreting student ... we talked for nearly 3 hours, exchanged email and were engaged 10 months later ... TEN YEARS. I can hardly believe it.
Thank you Lord for the Y, for Childwatch, for the chance to workout in the afternoon and renew my energy. Thank you for my husband, that he decided to approach me ten years ago, for Your will being done in our lives ... Blessings abound. You are so good to me. Amen.
from about 4-ish ... till your husband gets home?!? Attempting to make dinner, kids are insane, the dog needs to go out ... my patience is running thin and I'm close to losing my mind ...
I have started Operation Sanity and it's been a grand success.
The Y Childwatch is open from 4:15-7:45 every afternoon ... it's free ... with a membership, which I get for free because I work there, kinda like they are paying me to be sane, ha! I've been taking the kids when Matthew gets home from school. Grace does well with Matthew there, they play and play, while I get in some awesome cardio ... endorphins flowing, and in turn I don't lose my mind. We get home, I have the energy to make dinner, to be a good Mommy, to let the dog out ... I am far more pleasant.
Operation Sanity ought to aid in my ultimate weight loss goal as well ... I'm feeling great this week, working out lots, eating right ... I am looking forward to getting on the scale Saturday morning ... been a while since I've felt that way.
On another note, today is 10 years ... 10 years since I was at Starbucks in Huntington Beach, CA, signing with my friend Vicki, while we were "practicing" our interpreting skills, I was in my last semester in college ... and a handsome Filippino man walked up to me and asked me if I was Deaf? I replied with No, I am an interpreting student ... we talked for nearly 3 hours, exchanged email and were engaged 10 months later ... TEN YEARS. I can hardly believe it.
Thank you Lord for the Y, for Childwatch, for the chance to workout in the afternoon and renew my energy. Thank you for my husband, that he decided to approach me ten years ago, for Your will being done in our lives ... Blessings abound. You are so good to me. Amen.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Back in it ...
I went back to Weight Watchers this morning ... and apparently some time has passed since I was there last. I was driving and talking to my Ma, pulled into the parking lot and realized it was empty and where my Weight Watchers used to be was now a tax guy ... ummmm ... $%@^!@? Good thing my Ma is internet savvy and she could hop online and figure out where they went ... luckily, it was just a move to another space in town, closer to home even. When I walked in and said I didn't realized they had moved, they said, "We did in December!"
WHAT?!?!?
Shoot, has it really been that long?
It was great to be back, to learn about their new Momentum program, to have things fresh in my mind and to make a new commitment. I am thankful.
Back in it ... if even it's been since December.
WHAT?!?!?
Shoot, has it really been that long?
It was great to be back, to learn about their new Momentum program, to have things fresh in my mind and to make a new commitment. I am thankful.
Back in it ... if even it's been since December.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
WAW!
WHAT A WEEKEND!
Saturday I went (with an accomplice) to The Screamin' Peach in Fort Collins. Can you imagine what they do at The Screamin' Peach?!?!? They make your peach scream ...
It's a waxing studio.
I was so nervous going there, assuming it would be painful (to say the least!) ... but it's something I have never done before and I was willing to try ...
and now?!? I am hairless. Ha. Everything gone ... and yes, I mean everything.
It was strangely liberating and although incredibly painful at a few points (I had a few choice words while being waxed ...) I will be back, in 4 weeks ... The Screamin' Peach, isn't that the best name? Funky, classy, hip joint, with wonderfully comforting women working there ... I am a fan. Definitely will be back ... I wonder if my accomplice will?!?
Yes, What A Weekend!
Today I went into Boulder, to CU, for the Kick-Off event for the Triathlon Training Team I have joined. Team CWW, Colorado Wild Women! It is a phenomenal group of women, as young as 20 and even a woman in her 70's! All shapes and sizes. I am so encouraged. Tuesday is a swim assesment at CU, underwater video taping, stroke analyzing, the whole nine yards ... should be awesome.
Oh, and a side note ... I did get a swim suit. I ordered online from LandsEnd, a basic suit, no bra, no dumb straps, and enough material to cover my boobs, shocking huh?!? It was also about $40 cheaper than a Speedo. I am thrilled with it.
The training team is amazing ... there were women than have never swam in open water and women that are training for an IronMan. I like to think I am somewhere in the middle, ha. The coaches were inspiring and full of praise, just for being there. Everyone was kind and friendly ... I just can't say enough about it. I know this is just what I need to step up my training, to meet my weight loss goal and become the athlete I've always known I can be.
I am so thankful.
What A Weekend!
Saturday I went (with an accomplice) to The Screamin' Peach in Fort Collins. Can you imagine what they do at The Screamin' Peach?!?!? They make your peach scream ...
It's a waxing studio.
I was so nervous going there, assuming it would be painful (to say the least!) ... but it's something I have never done before and I was willing to try ...
and now?!? I am hairless. Ha. Everything gone ... and yes, I mean everything.
It was strangely liberating and although incredibly painful at a few points (I had a few choice words while being waxed ...) I will be back, in 4 weeks ... The Screamin' Peach, isn't that the best name? Funky, classy, hip joint, with wonderfully comforting women working there ... I am a fan. Definitely will be back ... I wonder if my accomplice will?!?
Yes, What A Weekend!
Today I went into Boulder, to CU, for the Kick-Off event for the Triathlon Training Team I have joined. Team CWW, Colorado Wild Women! It is a phenomenal group of women, as young as 20 and even a woman in her 70's! All shapes and sizes. I am so encouraged. Tuesday is a swim assesment at CU, underwater video taping, stroke analyzing, the whole nine yards ... should be awesome.
Oh, and a side note ... I did get a swim suit. I ordered online from LandsEnd, a basic suit, no bra, no dumb straps, and enough material to cover my boobs, shocking huh?!? It was also about $40 cheaper than a Speedo. I am thrilled with it.
The training team is amazing ... there were women than have never swam in open water and women that are training for an IronMan. I like to think I am somewhere in the middle, ha. The coaches were inspiring and full of praise, just for being there. Everyone was kind and friendly ... I just can't say enough about it. I know this is just what I need to step up my training, to meet my weight loss goal and become the athlete I've always known I can be.
I am so thankful.
What A Weekend!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Boot Camp
Holy-killer-workout-Batman.
I had my ass handed to me today at Boot Camp. My friend Chum teaches a Boot Camp series that is incredible. It's nearly 5pm, the class was from 11:30-12:15 and I am still kinda shaky and my the redness in my face is just now starting to fade. It was insane.
We had partners and while one was on the treadmill the other was on weights, and it switched back and forth several times ... not just a nice jog on the treadmill, but at an incline of 10, running at a 6.5 for minute increments, I did think I'd barf at one point. We did sprints and interval training, it was really great. Then when I switched to weights, it was all upper body, medicine ball crunches and push ups.
Whew.
It was awesome. I'll be back next Monday. Bring it on ...
I had my ass handed to me today at Boot Camp. My friend Chum teaches a Boot Camp series that is incredible. It's nearly 5pm, the class was from 11:30-12:15 and I am still kinda shaky and my the redness in my face is just now starting to fade. It was insane.
We had partners and while one was on the treadmill the other was on weights, and it switched back and forth several times ... not just a nice jog on the treadmill, but at an incline of 10, running at a 6.5 for minute increments, I did think I'd barf at one point. We did sprints and interval training, it was really great. Then when I switched to weights, it was all upper body, medicine ball crunches and push ups.
Whew.
It was awesome. I'll be back next Monday. Bring it on ...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
ARGH!
Ok ... so, this blog post is more of a rant, a vent about a super shitty shopping experience last night, be warned.
Let me apologize before I even start for my language this morning, although I already said "shitty", damn, more is to follow ...
Just as I made my rule to NOT weigh-in the same day I start my period, I made a new rule after going to Dick's last night (which by the way is a dumbass name for a sporting goods store, Dick's, just a yucky word ... I can hear my Mom saying, "it's just a name" ... true, but I don't like it. How does someone named Richard get the nickname Dick anyhow?!?!?)
My new rule is to NOT ever, even think about for a fleeting moment, go shopping for a new bathing suit the first day on my period. I am bloated and disgusting and trying to shove my rockin' bod into what looks like a sausage casing, while my undies stick out the bottom ... and not cute undies let me add, "the period undies" that I only wear once a month on the first day of my cycle because they are huge and something an 80 year old would wear just because they are comfortable and at anytime could be used as a parachute ... you all have a pair, I'm sure ... Why is it a pair of undies when it's only one?!?!? I am full of random shit this morning. AGRH! What the F?!?!?!?
Focus Jessica.
So, back to Dick's, being in a dressing room with the world's worst fucking lighting, shoving my bloated body into a speedo ... I started laughing out loud at how completely ridiculous I looked. It was horrid. And this brings me to my complaint about athletic swimwear ... as I was reminded last night why I do not own a speedo, TYR, Nike or any other athletic swimsuit. They are all made for women that have NO BOOBS ... yes, no cha-cha's, no knockers, no melons. Even in losing nearly 25lbs, my bra size has not changed at all! (not that I would expect it to, this is the way it's been since the 4th fucking grade when I was the 1st girl to wear a bra!) The way the suits are cut leaves minimal space for any boob coverage and I was just popping out of every possible place. The jerk off that made those suits, most likely a man, and ha, probably with the name Dick, was stupid enough to use straps that are as thin as my pinky finger ... and that gives support how?!?!? What the F? I do not want a swim suit that has underwire, are you kidding me?!?!? Nor the "built-in-shelf-bra" which too, is the biggest joke ever. Those never fit, they offer no support and I am left with boobies drooping to my waist in a swimsuit that looks like shit!
(deep breath)
Oh, wait, damn, I forgot ... those crappy suits are upwards of $60 too. ARGH!
My lesson learned is this, I will never fit into an athletic suit, which I accept. Just as I accepted in Middle School that everyone could wear Guess jeans and I couldn't. It is what it is. My body is how it is and yes, a work in progress, but knowing the size of my chest will not dramatically change, I'm going to start looking into wetsuits ... there has to be something out there for me and I'll find it.
I don't plan on going to Dick's anytime soon. Dick's, ugh.
I should add though, after my ridiculously shitty experience, I had the biggest urge to consume an entire bag of Oreo's and I headed directly to Safeway ... the moment I was in the store though, that desire faded (praise God) and I ended up with some fruit leather instead. Yea me!
Lesson learned. Swimsuits suck, so do periods, bloating, granny undies and shitty lighting. Never again.
Let me apologize before I even start for my language this morning, although I already said "shitty", damn, more is to follow ...
Just as I made my rule to NOT weigh-in the same day I start my period, I made a new rule after going to Dick's last night (which by the way is a dumbass name for a sporting goods store, Dick's, just a yucky word ... I can hear my Mom saying, "it's just a name" ... true, but I don't like it. How does someone named Richard get the nickname Dick anyhow?!?!?)
My new rule is to NOT ever, even think about for a fleeting moment, go shopping for a new bathing suit the first day on my period. I am bloated and disgusting and trying to shove my rockin' bod into what looks like a sausage casing, while my undies stick out the bottom ... and not cute undies let me add, "the period undies" that I only wear once a month on the first day of my cycle because they are huge and something an 80 year old would wear just because they are comfortable and at anytime could be used as a parachute ... you all have a pair, I'm sure ... Why is it a pair of undies when it's only one?!?!? I am full of random shit this morning. AGRH! What the F?!?!?!?
Focus Jessica.
So, back to Dick's, being in a dressing room with the world's worst fucking lighting, shoving my bloated body into a speedo ... I started laughing out loud at how completely ridiculous I looked. It was horrid. And this brings me to my complaint about athletic swimwear ... as I was reminded last night why I do not own a speedo, TYR, Nike or any other athletic swimsuit. They are all made for women that have NO BOOBS ... yes, no cha-cha's, no knockers, no melons. Even in losing nearly 25lbs, my bra size has not changed at all! (not that I would expect it to, this is the way it's been since the 4th fucking grade when I was the 1st girl to wear a bra!) The way the suits are cut leaves minimal space for any boob coverage and I was just popping out of every possible place. The jerk off that made those suits, most likely a man, and ha, probably with the name Dick, was stupid enough to use straps that are as thin as my pinky finger ... and that gives support how?!?!? What the F? I do not want a swim suit that has underwire, are you kidding me?!?!? Nor the "built-in-shelf-bra" which too, is the biggest joke ever. Those never fit, they offer no support and I am left with boobies drooping to my waist in a swimsuit that looks like shit!
(deep breath)
Oh, wait, damn, I forgot ... those crappy suits are upwards of $60 too. ARGH!
My lesson learned is this, I will never fit into an athletic suit, which I accept. Just as I accepted in Middle School that everyone could wear Guess jeans and I couldn't. It is what it is. My body is how it is and yes, a work in progress, but knowing the size of my chest will not dramatically change, I'm going to start looking into wetsuits ... there has to be something out there for me and I'll find it.
I don't plan on going to Dick's anytime soon. Dick's, ugh.
I should add though, after my ridiculously shitty experience, I had the biggest urge to consume an entire bag of Oreo's and I headed directly to Safeway ... the moment I was in the store though, that desire faded (praise God) and I ended up with some fruit leather instead. Yea me!
Lesson learned. Swimsuits suck, so do periods, bloating, granny undies and shitty lighting. Never again.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Detox Day 3
Sooo ... I am breaking out like a freaking pubescent 12 year old girl ... it is NOT pretty, let me repeat, NOT pretty ... clusters of zits on my face, that are deep-seeded and connected to every nerve ending in my body ... the wind was blowing yesterday and it made my eyes start to well up. ARGH! I ended up icing my chin last night, it hurt so bad. WHAT THE F***?!?!?!?
I like the idea of toxins leaving my body, of a fresh start and eating things that are whole and good and meant for food ... I love the probiotics I am taking that are helping my digestion, but man o' man if anyone would have mentioned the gnarly-break-out-pimple-puss-bucket that my face would become ... I might have thought twice. Sheeesh.
We have a recumbant bike in the basement and I was reluctant to get on it, thinking it wouldn't be much of a work out ... but it was, I was sweaty and my thighs are feeling it today. I would love to get a stationary bike stand for my tri bike ... that'd be great for training. I am still in need of a swim suit, and in such, did not swim yesterday ... but it's ok, today is a scheduled day of rest, and if I can rid myself of this ongoing headache, then I might venture to the store to get one and get my arse in the water ...
I supposed the zitty mess I am is only proof of the toxin that was in my body that is making a way out ... and for that I am thankful.
Onward ...
I like the idea of toxins leaving my body, of a fresh start and eating things that are whole and good and meant for food ... I love the probiotics I am taking that are helping my digestion, but man o' man if anyone would have mentioned the gnarly-break-out-pimple-puss-bucket that my face would become ... I might have thought twice. Sheeesh.
We have a recumbant bike in the basement and I was reluctant to get on it, thinking it wouldn't be much of a work out ... but it was, I was sweaty and my thighs are feeling it today. I would love to get a stationary bike stand for my tri bike ... that'd be great for training. I am still in need of a swim suit, and in such, did not swim yesterday ... but it's ok, today is a scheduled day of rest, and if I can rid myself of this ongoing headache, then I might venture to the store to get one and get my arse in the water ...
I supposed the zitty mess I am is only proof of the toxin that was in my body that is making a way out ... and for that I am thankful.
Onward ...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
HEADACHES ...
SUCK!
Whew ... I was up at 3am with a migraine ... crappy way to start the day, I took 2 Exedrine Migraine and went back to bed and woke up without a headache, but totally jittery and wired ... I've also had 2 cups of coffee, so that's probably not helping me out either.
Yesterday went well, I got in all the right foods and my training. Day 2 of training and detox, I wonder if the headache was brought about from eating so well and all of those toxins leaving my body? Yikes. Today I need to get in an 800 yard swim and a 40 min bike ride. Before doing this though, I need to go buy a new swimsuit ... blech, I might rather like to poke out my eyes with a dull pencil, but it is what it is and I need a new one desperately. I was swimming at the Y last week in the morning and while changing in the locker room noticed a rockin' circle about the size of my fist of pulled elastic right in the middle of my chest that was suddenly see-through ... yea! Awesome, total boob shot ... ummm, yes, time for a new suit.
Thank you Lord for Exedrine Migraine, for the relief it brought me. Thank you for the money to be able to buy a new swimsuit. Thank you for my husband's support of my training endeavors. I wonder today how I can serve You?
Whew ... I was up at 3am with a migraine ... crappy way to start the day, I took 2 Exedrine Migraine and went back to bed and woke up without a headache, but totally jittery and wired ... I've also had 2 cups of coffee, so that's probably not helping me out either.
Yesterday went well, I got in all the right foods and my training. Day 2 of training and detox, I wonder if the headache was brought about from eating so well and all of those toxins leaving my body? Yikes. Today I need to get in an 800 yard swim and a 40 min bike ride. Before doing this though, I need to go buy a new swimsuit ... blech, I might rather like to poke out my eyes with a dull pencil, but it is what it is and I need a new one desperately. I was swimming at the Y last week in the morning and while changing in the locker room noticed a rockin' circle about the size of my fist of pulled elastic right in the middle of my chest that was suddenly see-through ... yea! Awesome, total boob shot ... ummm, yes, time for a new suit.
Thank you Lord for Exedrine Migraine, for the relief it brought me. Thank you for the money to be able to buy a new swimsuit. Thank you for my husband's support of my training endeavors. I wonder today how I can serve You?
Monday, January 12, 2009
Training-Detox Day 1
Alrighty, I am being held accountable by the mere fact that I am posting this here ...
Today I am starting my 14 day detox, it's a full-body cleanse, vegan, fiber filled and hopefully awesome.
I have planned out everyday of my training for my Triathlon in May, starting from today ... it's all written out on my calendar, including days of rest ...
Today starts with a 30 min. run and 30 minutes of resistance training, weights.
Also, yesterday at Whole Foods, I found a new product that I read about in my VegNews magazine. They are little shots ... drinks, called Good Belly, vegan probiotics. It's like a little smoothie filled with vitamins and probiotics, only 50 calories ... hoping this combined with my efforts lined out above will help my body to run more efficiently.
I sat down yesterday and lined out my training schedule in sync with the training team that will start at the end of this month ... every swim day and clinic is in hot pink on my calendar.
This is the 1st time in a long time I feel such grand motivation ... having been on this journey over the past year, I have learned so much, I am just overwhelmingly thankful to be where I am at now, 25lbs lighter, on a fiercely-motivated journey to reaching my weight loss goals, and training for and competing in an Olympic distance triathlon. Yes, lofty goals for 2009, but completely attainable ... All things through Christ. He is my everything and in this journey I hope to glorify Him more and more.
So, today it all starts ... cleansing-probiotic-filled-training ...
Thank you Jesus for being my motivation, my body is a temple, filled with the Holy Spirit, and I am so grateful.
Today I am starting my 14 day detox, it's a full-body cleanse, vegan, fiber filled and hopefully awesome.
I have planned out everyday of my training for my Triathlon in May, starting from today ... it's all written out on my calendar, including days of rest ...
Today starts with a 30 min. run and 30 minutes of resistance training, weights.
Also, yesterday at Whole Foods, I found a new product that I read about in my VegNews magazine. They are little shots ... drinks, called Good Belly, vegan probiotics. It's like a little smoothie filled with vitamins and probiotics, only 50 calories ... hoping this combined with my efforts lined out above will help my body to run more efficiently.
I sat down yesterday and lined out my training schedule in sync with the training team that will start at the end of this month ... every swim day and clinic is in hot pink on my calendar.
This is the 1st time in a long time I feel such grand motivation ... having been on this journey over the past year, I have learned so much, I am just overwhelmingly thankful to be where I am at now, 25lbs lighter, on a fiercely-motivated journey to reaching my weight loss goals, and training for and competing in an Olympic distance triathlon. Yes, lofty goals for 2009, but completely attainable ... All things through Christ. He is my everything and in this journey I hope to glorify Him more and more.
So, today it all starts ... cleansing-probiotic-filled-training ...
Thank you Jesus for being my motivation, my body is a temple, filled with the Holy Spirit, and I am so grateful.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I'm back.
When my children came downstairs from the bath screaming, Gracie mostly, I closed the laptop, handed it to Caloy and told him I was getting in the shower. I think it adds to my frustration that my husband doesn't hear the chaos and in turn can not relate to how annoying it is.
Random thought or rant that I've waiting to blog about ...
Two days ago on The Today Show, Matt Lauer interviewed Ann Coulter. Every time I have seen this woman on the television, she is full of venom and cruel judgment and I was so sad two days ago to see a big cross hanging around her neck. This woman brings to life the statement, "The only problem with Christianity is Christians." She is so hate-filled and I was just sick to my stomach to see a cross, the symbol of my Savior, on her. All that it signifies, Perfect Love without judgment, the sacrifice He made for the world, to be on Ann Coulter made me so sad. Isn't the purpose of Christianity to love others? There is not a word of love that I have ever heard come from her mouth. Shame on you Ann Coulter, I do know that my Savior loves you just as He loves me, and I will pray that the deception in the venom you speak will somehow peirce your own soul and bring you to your knees, so that you will seek the forgiveness that Christ offers for free, doing as you do now, you are not winning anyone for Jesus in your cruel and judgmental books, as He is Perfect Love and you, I am sad to say, are filled with evil hate. May God have mercy on you.
Whew ... glad to get that all out.
That's good for tonight ... I am pooped.
Random thought or rant that I've waiting to blog about ...
Two days ago on The Today Show, Matt Lauer interviewed Ann Coulter. Every time I have seen this woman on the television, she is full of venom and cruel judgment and I was so sad two days ago to see a big cross hanging around her neck. This woman brings to life the statement, "The only problem with Christianity is Christians." She is so hate-filled and I was just sick to my stomach to see a cross, the symbol of my Savior, on her. All that it signifies, Perfect Love without judgment, the sacrifice He made for the world, to be on Ann Coulter made me so sad. Isn't the purpose of Christianity to love others? There is not a word of love that I have ever heard come from her mouth. Shame on you Ann Coulter, I do know that my Savior loves you just as He loves me, and I will pray that the deception in the venom you speak will somehow peirce your own soul and bring you to your knees, so that you will seek the forgiveness that Christ offers for free, doing as you do now, you are not winning anyone for Jesus in your cruel and judgmental books, as He is Perfect Love and you, I am sad to say, are filled with evil hate. May God have mercy on you.
Whew ... glad to get that all out.
That's good for tonight ... I am pooped.
Over it.
Today was one of those days, over the mom-gig ... Grace is making me nuts and I spent the day frustrated and annoyed ... I need to mark the date on my calendar, as it may also have to do with hormones ... but shoot, all I kept thinking was, "maybe I should be working full-time ..." Just one of those days ... not going to try to explain it away, it is what it is and I will be thankful to put my head on my pillow and start anew tomorrow.
My official training schedule for the IronGirl Triathlon in Las Vegas came to me this week and it's intense ... but I am ready ... I spent some time today planning out meals I can make throughout the week for my family as I will be spending more time at the Y training. My husband is amazing and wonderfully supportive of this new endeavor ... the least I can do is have a meal ready when he is home before I jet out the door to swim 1000 yards, bike for 60 minutes, run for 40 and lift weights ... ok, that's not what one day's workout calls for, but it's intense ... did I mention I am ready? I am. Bring it.
Ahhh, my children are out of the bath and screaming ... hmmm, I'll be back later.
My official training schedule for the IronGirl Triathlon in Las Vegas came to me this week and it's intense ... but I am ready ... I spent some time today planning out meals I can make throughout the week for my family as I will be spending more time at the Y training. My husband is amazing and wonderfully supportive of this new endeavor ... the least I can do is have a meal ready when he is home before I jet out the door to swim 1000 yards, bike for 60 minutes, run for 40 and lift weights ... ok, that's not what one day's workout calls for, but it's intense ... did I mention I am ready? I am. Bring it.
Ahhh, my children are out of the bath and screaming ... hmmm, I'll be back later.
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